Battle Report: The Second Battle of Bowling Green

[Note: Alex Jones predicted the Second Civil War would start on 7/4/2018. Perhaps he was right. Twitter went crazy with the news. This Battle Report was circulating on the internet.]

The enemy positioned itself for a full frontal assault. Dawn’s early light revealed the red caps of the MAGA Division in the center of their lines. Behind them the dreaded White Nationalist Phalanx, spear-tipped flagpoles raised high. They had little concern for their right flank (our left flank), covered as it were with but a battalion of talking heads from Fox News. Their left flank appeared unprotected, but I noticed the pointed white hoods of the KKK brigade hiding in the bushes to their rear. An obvious trap, I thought.

I quickly dispatched orders. To our left, opposite the talking heads, a skirmish line of liberal news media. Behind them and out of sight, a full regiment of ACLU lawyers armed to the teeth with writs and restraining orders. I placed our entire Antifa Division in the center to meet their assault head on. To our right, a diversion. A thin skirmish line of unarmed BLM African American teenagers. Behind them, the Beaner Brigade formed an impenetrable wall.

The BLM teens initiated confrontation, hurling a relentless series of “yo mama” jokes at the MAGA Division. They took the bait and the entire Division pivoted to their left and charged the thin black line. The athletic teens easily evaded the charging Sunday Morning Armchair Quarterbacks and disappeared behind the Beaner Brigade.

The MAGA Division, in hot pursuit of the BLM skirmishers, ran headlong into the wall of migrant farmworkers and a massive melee ensued.

Meanwhile, in the center, things looked grim. The White Nationalist Phalanx lowered their flagpoles and advanced upon the waiting Antifa Division. Out numbered and out armed, the Antifa Division stood resolute. Then, call it fate, call it Providence, call it the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or call it just dumb luck and randomness, one of the flags in the center of the front line of the Phalanx touched the ground.

The Phalanx came to an immediate halt, and there, in the middle of the Green, held a ceremony to respectfully burn the desecrated cloth.

This gave us the break we needed. The Fox Talking Heads abandoned their posts to cover the flag-burning ceremony. Our liberal media followed hot on their heels. At that pivotal moment, I ordered the attack by the ACLU. Writs in hand, the lawyers marched forward. They easily drove off the talking heads and hit the White Nationalists in the flank. Out maneuvered by the rule of law, the morale of the Phalanx broke. The White Nationalists broke and ran for the rear.

Meanwhile the melee on our right between the Beaner Brigade and the MAGA Division raged on. The Beaner Brigade refused to give an inch and the MAGA Division couldn’t breach their wall. Thanks to an intercepted communique on Instagram, I learned that the MAGA Division had called for reinforcements: the Guard Batallion of the ICE Regiment, to deport the Beaner Brigade. I quickly dispatched the NoDAPL Cavalry to intercept ICE. The Native Americans charged off in their Mustangs to meet ICE head on.

The ACLU regiment, having cleared the center of White Nationalists, fell onto the rear of the MAGA Division. Still engaged in close-quarter combat, the MAGA troops never saw the lawyers coming. Before anyone realized what was going on, they were being served with restraining orders which put a quick end to the melee.

The battlefield secured, I rode ahead on my American-made Harley to reconnoiter the situation between NoDAPL and ICE. ICE wanted to deport the NoDAPL Natives, but couldn’t figure out where to send them. Then, in a brilliant maneuver, NoDAPL announced it would no longer abide by treaties with the United States of America – casinos were nice, but it wanted to renegotiation with Emperor Trump for a better deal. With the treaties abrogated, ICE became the foreigners on NoDAPL lands.

With both sides seeking to deport each other, I called for the ACLU Regiment to reinforce NoDAPL. But in the heat of battle, I used Craigslist instead of Facebook Messenger. My call for help had been broadcast to the world. And, to some extent, the world answered. Locals, community organizers, began to show up from all quarters in support of NoDAPL. That was too much for ICE and they departed in an organized withdrawal.

I returned to the main battlefield where mop up efforts were already underway. The center was strewn with the discarded flags of the White Nationalist Phalanx. But the worse carnage was on our right. The red of discarded MAGA hats and multi-colored protest signs of the Beaner Brigade lay together on the battlefield; casualties of combat.

The Antifa Division, frustrated over not being engaged in actual combat, took their anger out by stomping on fallen “Don’t Tread on Me” flags. The Liberal Left Wing Media and Fox News Talking Heads had retired into their respective camps, each declaring today’s confrontation a victory.

As the sun set on the Bowling Green battlefield I breathed a sigh of relief. We had won the day, but this uncivil Civil War would rage on.

Commendations to the BLM teenagers, the Beaner Brigade, and the entire ACLU Regiment. Highest commendations to NoDAPL for their bravery in confronting ICE. But I fear their tactic of abrogating treaties will take this war to a whole new level.

The Watering Hole, Saturday, January 5, 2013: Another False RW Argument Against The Assault Weapons Ban

In response to Sen. Dianne Feinstein’s efforts to reintroduce a ban on assault weapons similar to the one she got passed in 1994, during the Clinton administration, the Right Wing has, as it often does, presented false arguments against the ban. [Fair warning: I am going to link to and quote from and other RW sites. Have your barf bags handy.] Speaking on “Meet the Republican Hack Pretending To Be the Press“, Sen. Feinstein said

that she would introduce an assault weapons ban on the first day of the next Congress. “It’s a first-day bill I’m going to introduce in the Senate and the same bill will be introduced in the House, a bill to ban assault weapons,” Feinstein said. “It will ban the sale, the transfer, the importation and the possession–not retroactively but prospectively–and it will ban the same for big clips, drums or strips of more than 10 bullets.”

For a gun supporter’s understanding of the 1994 AWB, see here. Please note that there is a word missing from that quote above: “rifles.” This is significant, but more on that later.

Now, if you think a new ban on assault weapons has no chance if becoming law, think again. Sen. Joe “Dead Aim” Manchin, who got an “A” rating from the NRA, backs it. That’s right, the man who ran this ad in his bid to get elected to the US Senate

said this on “Morning Joe” recently

“I want to call all our friends at the NRA and sit down,” Manchin said. “They have to be at the table. This is a time for all of us to sit down and move in a responsible manner. I think they will.”

Manchin said it was crucial to involve the NRA in the conversation. “You have to have everybody at the table, not just the people you think will support this. I’m a lifetime [NRA] member and I’m willing to sit down and ask all of my colleagues to sit down.”

Manchin has voted in support of many pro-gun laws, earning the NRA’s endorsement for his recent reelection.
“Seeing the massacre of so many innocent children has changed everything,” he said. “Everything has to be on the table.”

The proposed ban also has the support of President Obama. You’d think with the prospects of such a ban becoming law again being good that the Right Wing would just take a hint and STFU, and you would be wrong.

Now, it is true that assault weapons are not used in all that many murders, but the point isn’t to prevent any guns deaths at all from these weapons, but simply to reduce the number of people killed when one of them is used. The rationale for the ban on extended magazine clips, and other multiple round devices, is so that once a nutjob starts shooting up a place, he won’t be able to fire as many rounds before needing to reload, which would give survivors of the incident an opportunity to subdue the gunman. That’s all. If the shooter only has ten rounds in the clip, he would have to either pull another gun out right away or risk being overcome. If he can shoot 15, or 30, or 100 rounds before reloading, it’s likely more people will die before he needs to either reload or leave.

Enter the Right Wing Noise Machine. After posting a column on (get those barf bags handy), Awr Hawkins made the absurd argument that “A rifle ban is as illogical as it is unconstitutional.” His rationale? “According to the FBI annual crime statistics, the number of murders committed annually with hammers and clubs far outnumbers the number of murders committed with a rifle.” Many other RW sites based posts on this article including Alex Jones, Fox News Nation, Daily Paul, and Free Republic. You may want to go get a second bag if you plan on reading any of the comments.

Since we’re dealing with right wing arguments, it’s natural (if you have an IQ in the three-digit range) to ask, “Is it true? Are more people really killed by hammers and clubs than by guns?” The answer is, technically, yes. It’s true, but it’s not truthful. FBI statistics for the years 2005-2009, 2010, and 2011, do show that fewer people are murdered by rifle than by a combination of various kinds of blunt instruments. But Sen. Feinstein never said the word “rifle” in that quote. She said “assault weapons.” And there are certain kinds of hand guns that would qualify as “assault weapons.” And if you look at the statistics on murders with hand guns (no specific type mentioned), you’ll see that there are more than ten times as many murders committed with hand guns as with blunt objects.

So the whole “rifle” argument is a false one from the beginning. But there’s another reason it’s a bad argument. Generally speaking, people don’t go around with hammers and blunt objects and kill four or more people at one time. Murders committed with these weapons are usually crimes of passion, where one person completely loses it and beats another person to death with whatever is handy, be it a hammer, a club, a baseball bat or, quite possibly, a rock. Nobody is proposing a ban on rocks (or hammers, clubs, or bats) because there is no fear that someone will go on a mass killing spree with a blunt object and kill 20 school children.

As for the claim that most gun murders are committed with stolen weapons, a Frontline report showed that to be false. Many illegally purchased guns are done through straw man purchases (where one person buys a gun for someone who may not be allowed to buy one for himself), corrupt licensed gun dealers, and street purchases, all of which are illegal. Of course, if the gun were never made, it couldn’t be sold illegally.

This is our daily open thread. Feell free to discuss guns, bullets, ammo, or even non-gun-related things.