The Watering Hole, Wednesday, February 18, 2015: Hump Day!

Someone said climate change deniers don’t know the difference between weather & climate. But if you ask them, they will tell you that they do know the difference: weather is if you’re going to have sex. Climate is what happens when you do. Abstinence Only sex education is prevalent amongst True Christians. So are an unprecedented number of immaculate conceptions. Sarah Palin was asked to host a return of that old game show, “What’s my Line?” She declined because she thought it was a trick question. Ted Cruz wants more border guards on the U.S. – Canadian border. He claims he’s proof positive there are crazy people in Canada wanting to come to the U.S. Last time around, Mitt Romney came in second in numerous Republican Primaries, to capture the nomination and come in second to Barak Obama. This time, Mitt is not running, with the hopes that he’ll come in first in 2016. Obama is set to approve the Keystone Pipeline, if Congress makes two minor modifications. Instead of running north-south and piping oil, he wants it to go east-west and pipe snow. Michelle Obama is hinting at running for president in 2016. It’s hard to tell if she’s serious, or just wants to see the talking heads at Fox explode on the air. Koch  Brothers say if they don’t get their Keystone Pipeline, they’ll buy France, just out of spite.

OPEN THREAD

Ev’ry picture tells a story…

Dunnit?

Ever take part in one of those exercises in a college class where you’re shown a series of photos without any information or explanation – no text, caption, or context – and you have to figure out what was going at the exact moment the pictures were taken?

Well… I have some pictures here for us to look at… and mebbe together we can all parse out just what the heck was happening when they were taken.

At first glance it appears these pictures were taken at some sort of Congressional hearing, or perhaps a news conference…

Here’s the first one…

Senior Senator from Kentucky and Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell (R-Wattles)…

What an odd gesture… what could Mitch be talking about? Is he making some sort of confession at this moment, divulging highly sensitive information?

Next up, we have…


California Congressman Darryl Issa (R-Corrupt) making an almost identical gesture to Mitch’s… take note the look of… discomfort… on Darryl’s face as he says his piece…

And then…

Congressman Paul Ryan (R-Wanker) steps up to the microphone… and like Mitch and Darryl, Paul appears to be revealing some sort of personal secret…

Poor Paul’s is the smallest of the bunch, and by quite a margin… no wonder he ends up at home reading Ayn Rand night after night…

Finally… an unbiased, outside opinion is solicited…

That’s right… it’s Harvard Professor, consumer affairs champion, and current Senatorial candidate Elizabeth Warren… simply confirming what all three men have already admitted… “Yes… they really ARE that small…” she seems to be saying…

And even though she’s just agreeing with them, all three men immediately haz a sad…

Poor Elizabeth… damned if she does, and damned if she doesn’t…

Apparently this moment is quickly followed by some sort of disturbance… someone else showing up, demanding to be heard…

Who else but noted pundit and oft-rumored tranny…

Ann Coulter… not only is Ann claiming she too has one, but that it’s… HUGE… and its two… uh… ‘accoutrements’…

… are equally oversized…

Now… I don’t doubt for a minute that Ann might actually have one, and that it’s bigger than the men’s… but THAT big? I do hafta call foul at this point…

Anyways… once word gets out that a live mic is up for grabs, others come running…

First Mitt Romney shoves and elbows his way to the stage… and not to be outdone, Mittens stakes his claim in the Size Does Matter Derby

And then, of course, last but not least…

Herman Cain arrives… naturally the Hermanator declares himself to be absolutely the biggest and the baddest and therefore hands down the most qualified of all to lead the country…

And so endeth our story…

Ev’ry picture tells a story… dunnit?

Ev’ry picture tells a story… dunnit?

Ev’ry picture tells a story… dunnit?

Sunday Roast: And now for something completely different…

I don’t know about you, but I really need a laugh…

David Mitchell is a British comedian and writer, and in my humble opinion, one of the best ranters in the world.

First up, David rants about the art of giving flowers:

Next, a follow-up regarding the awkwardness of giving compliments:

HT: Gary Herstein

This is our daily open thread. Feel free to rant on whatever tickles your fancy!

Open Thread: A little George Carlin

We Are Equal

George Carlin, “I would like to talk about things that bring us together.”  “Things that point out our similarities, instead of our differences.”  “That’s all you ever hear about in our country is our differences, in the media and from the politicians.”

It is a hilarious video.

I’ve Just Seen a Post

This post was originally written and posted on another blog on June 19, 2007. The problem of which I speak in the beginning is directly responsible for the creation of this wonderful blog, and I am grateful to the other Critters for inviting me to join them here.

I’ve noticed that ThinkProgress (affectionately known to us as “TP”) still has a problem with trolls. Trolls are people who jump into a topic and post false, misleading, deceptive or inflammatory remarks with the sole purpose of derailing the conversation so that we waste our time, and the site master’s bandwidth. They often have no rational basis for the things they say. They know that if they jump in and say something like, “Liberals are baby-killers,” they’ll get a reaction. They aren’t interested in discussing anything rationally. They’re just trying to piss us off. Unfortunately, they all too often succeed.

The ironic thing is that while they often accuse us of trying to suppress free speech, if you go to one of the more popular conservative websites (such as Redstate.org) and post something even the tiniest bit critical of Bush or Republicans in general, they ban you. (At least, that’s what some have said.) I guess the truth hurts.

So, my experiences since I returned to the blogosphere inspired me to write another song parody. This is to the tune of The Beatles’ “I’ve Just Seen a Face”. (Original words and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.) I wanted to have it finished by yesterday, but I couldn’t quite get it done. Consider it a belated birthday present to Sir (James) Paul McCartney, whose birthday was June 18th. I hope you enjoy it. As usual, thank you Jane for your help and advice.

I’ve Just Seen a Post
Original words and music “I’ve Just Seen a Face” by John Lennon & Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

I’ve just seen a post I can’t resist
What he did boast and I insist
He check his facts for me,
And I want all the world to see
He lied.
Lie-lie-lie-la-la-lied.

Had he not been so absurd
Continue reading

Lady McPalin

Lady McPalin
Original words and music “Lady Madonna”, by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Lady McPalin, standing on your feet
Wonder how you manage to take the heat?
Who took the money? Something else was meant.
Did you spend the money that Congress sent?
Friday night a lie about an airplane
Continue reading

The Devil Went Into Cable

The Devil Went Into Cable

Original words and music, “The Devil Went Down To Georgia” by Willian Joel Digregorio, Charles Fred Hayward, John Thomas Crain, Jr., Fred Leroy Edwards, James Wainwrigh Marshall, Charlie Daniels, 1992 – Give ’em a big hand, folks, the Charlie Daniels Band!
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

The Devil went into cable. He was lookin’ for a buck to steal.
He was in a bind ’cause he was like his kind, and he was shillin’ his right-wing spiel,
When he came across this old guy sittin’ in a studio doing but squat.
And the Devil jumped up on the manager’s desk and said, “Boy, let me tell you what.

Continue reading

Flag Pin

Enough with the nonsense about who does and who doesn’t wear a flag pin! Is that what it takes to prove you love your country? A flag pin? You mean it’s come to this? (Enjoy rockin’ to Aerosmith’s “Rag Doll”, a real cool tune and a slightly racy video.)

Flag Pin
Original Words and Music, “Rag Doll”, by Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Jim Vallance, and Holly Knight, 1987
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Flag Pin, wear it on your clothing
Spot check, ev’rybody’s noting
It’s so fine, you’ll never see me leave it by the back door
Man
Got mine, wear it nice and easy
Want proof, come on up and see me
Flag pin, buddy won’t you don it like you done before

I’m feeling like a flag boy
Mm just like a flag boy
I’m looking at a flag pin
Like talkin’ to an old friend
Some guy’s talkin’ real loud
Talkin’ all about it says, “Proud”
Try to tell us it’s a big thing
A new version we could all sing
Real easy for the good guys
Keep wearing it, you look wise
Looks real nifty, go and get me fifty
Cover ev’ry spot until I’m goin’ down in history

Flag Pin, wear it on your clothing
Spot check, ev’rybody’s noting
It’s so fine, you’ll never see me leave it by the back door
Man
Got mine, wear it nice and easy
Want proof, come on up and see me
Flag pin, buddy won’t you don it like you done before

Yes I’m groovin’
‘Cause I’m provin’
I’m patriotic big time
Can’t hit me with a cheap slime
Yes I’m braggin’
‘Bout my flag pin
Looks real nifty, go and get me fifty
Cover ev’ry spot until I’m goin’ down in history

Flag Pin, wear it on your clothing
Spot check, ev’rybody’s noting
It’s so fine, you’ll never see me leave it by the back door
Man
Got mine, wear it nice and easy
Want proof, come on up and see me
Flag pin, buddy won’t you don it, buddy won’t you don it,
buddy won’t you don it like you done before

Yes I’m groovin’
‘Cause I’m provin’
I’m patriotic big time
Gone crazy on the moon shine
Yes I’m braggin’
‘Bout my flag pin
Nice and shiny, wear it on my hiney
Cover ev’ry spot until I’m goin’ down in history

Flag Pin, wear it on your clothing
Spot check, ev’rybody’s noting
It’s so fine, you’ll never see me leave it by the back door
Man
Got mine, wear it nice and easy
Want proof, come on up and see me
Flag pin, buddy won’t you don it like you done before

Flag Pin, wear it on your clothing
Spot check, ev’rybody’s noting
It’s so fine, you’ll never see me leave it by the back door
Man
Got mine, wear it nice and easy
Want proof, come on up and see me
Flag pin, buddy won’t you don it like you done before

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