TWH 03/16/16 New Obama Conspiracy Revealed!


Guaca, The Zoo’s underground reporter digs up a new exclusive.


According to anonymous sources within the Democratic Party, there’s a conspiracy afoot to deny the nomination to both Hillary and Bernie and nominate Obama for a third term. Polling seems to indicate that neither candidate will garner enough delegates to win the nomination outright, which means superdelegates will control the outcome. A conspiracy amongst the superdelagates would guarantee neither gets enough votes on the first round to lock up the nomination, thus throwing the convention into a brokered nomination, out of which Obama will get the nod.

Officials high up in the White House figured out a way around the Constitution’s prohibition against 3rd terms. It seems that in the course of adopting certain amendments, like abolishing slavery and allowing people to vote regardless of the color of their skin, no one bothered to repeal the language that counted black people as 3/5ths of a person.

Since Obama is only 3/5ths of a person (or 60%, for you math wizards out there), by the end of his 8 years in office, he will only really have completed 4.8 years (or 60% of 8 years, for the math wizards). Since Obama hasn’t completed two full terms in office, he would be eligible for a third term.


The Watering Hole: Wednesday, September 12, 2012: Truth at Last! Truth at Last!

Walker Mole diggs for truth at the DNC

The search for Truth took Walker Mole to the DNC, where he dug deep to see if even so much as a grain of truth fell from the Dias. Unfortunately, due to his position beneath the speaker’s platform, Walker was nearly buried alive as grains of truth fell like so much sand, inundating him. Fortunately, however, Walker isa mole, and was able to dig himself out of his predicament in time to file this report.

There was the usual puffery and half-truths at the DNC. Then came Michelle Obama. Her story about her life with Barack as they were starting out rang true and tugged at the heartstrings. But that was just the beginning.

Then came Bill Clinton, and, arithmetic. He threw out fact after fact, and fact after fact checked out. It was such an avalanche of truth, the editors at called it a nightmare.

And some pure, unvarnished truth even came from President Obama. While the President did put a spin on things, the fact of the matter is much of what he tried to accomplish during his first term was blockaded by Republican filibusters, aided by not being able to seat Senator Franken for eight months. Franken was seated July 7, 2009. By then, Senator Ted Kennedy being taken ill with a brain tumor, was largely absent, not having cast a single vote between April and June of 2009. Toss in the “Blue Dog Democrats”, the Democrats that voted in lockstep with Republicans, and it’s amazing Obama got anything accomplished at all.

With all those grains of truth pouring in on Walker’s head, he couldn’t dig himself out until he managed to get beneath the Fox News truck.