TWH 03/16/16 New Obama Conspiracy Revealed!

Mole

Guaca, The Zoo’s underground reporter digs up a new exclusive.

 

According to anonymous sources within the Democratic Party, there’s a conspiracy afoot to deny the nomination to both Hillary and Bernie and nominate Obama for a third term. Polling seems to indicate that neither candidate will garner enough delegates to win the nomination outright, which means superdelegates will control the outcome. A conspiracy amongst the superdelagates would guarantee neither gets enough votes on the first round to lock up the nomination, thus throwing the convention into a brokered nomination, out of which Obama will get the nod.

Officials high up in the White House figured out a way around the Constitution’s prohibition against 3rd terms. It seems that in the course of adopting certain amendments, like abolishing slavery and allowing people to vote regardless of the color of their skin, no one bothered to repeal the language that counted black people as 3/5ths of a person.

Since Obama is only 3/5ths of a person (or 60%, for you math wizards out there), by the end of his 8 years in office, he will only really have completed 4.8 years (or 60% of 8 years, for the math wizards). Since Obama hasn’t completed two full terms in office, he would be eligible for a third term.

OPEN THREAD 

TWH 3/9/16: Not Benghazi

Benghazi was, apparently, not the real scandal regarding the U.S. military intervention in Libya.

Prior to reading the above-linked article I thought Libya was the right way to intervene for ‘regime change’: a civil war breaks out, a faction calls for outside help and recognition, the US helps that faction with air power, limiting the exposure for Americans to lose their lives in the conflict. This was done earlier in Bosnia, where US assisted NATO airstrikes helped put an end to a Christian genocide of Muslims.

What I did not know was that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton actively pushed for war and undermined diplomatic resolutions. That’s the true scandal. But it’s not the one Republicans talk about. Why? Because Republicans by far and large support war. It’s their only jobs program.

Bush broke Afghanistan and Iraq, and, as a byproduct, Syria. Obama broke Libya. I doubt we here in the US can even come close to understanding the unfathomable human suffering going on in those countries on a daily basis.

Drone strikes aren’t the answer. You don’t bomb a populace into submission. If all you’re going to do is bomb them, you have to bomb them into extinction.

Diplomacy is the only path to peace. And by diplomacy I mean reaching out in friendship to rebuild a broken society and bombed infrastructure. It won’t be easy. We’ve given ‘terrorists’ and would-be ‘terrorists’ millions of reasons to hate us, to mistrust us. But if past performances is a predictor of future performance, the prospects for diplomacy under another President Clinton appear dim.

OPEN THREAD

The Watering Hole, Wednesday, October 28, 2015: U.S. Supreme Court rules on the constitutionality of the Ten Commandments

So many folks claim the U.S. Constitution is based on the Bible that I thought I’d check it out. Using “The Google” and other advanced research tools, I discovered a rare unpublished U.S. Supreme Court decision, Roe v. McCarthy (1958) 357 U.S. 579, that examined the constitutionality of the Ten Commandments.

In this case, Roe, an unnamed Godless heathen atheist suspected of ties to the Communist Party challenged a subpoena issued by McCarthy’s Communist witch-hunt committee. The Supreme Court largely sided with Roe. Fortunately for McCarthy, he died about a year and a half before the decision was handed down.

Here’s a brief synopsis of the Supreme Court’s holdings. Continue reading

The Watering Hole, Monday, March 16, 2015: Again With The Benghazi?

On November 24, 2014, the Chairman and Ranking Member of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence (or NAMBLA) issued a report with the sexy title “Investigative Report on the Terrorist Attacks on U.S. facilities in Benghazi, Libya, September 11-12, 2012.” If you’re a Conservative, you probably just had an orgasm reading that sentence. Whether it was over the word “Benghazi” or the word “NAMBLA” I won’t say, but I’m sure you’re titillated. Benghazi. Say it loud and the games start playing. Say it soft as you sit there while praying. Benghazi. You’ll never stop saying “Ben-gha-ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.”

Anywho, this report from this Permanent Select Committee, was to be the “definitive” report on what happened. “Definitive.” So if you were the type of person who understood what words mean, you would think that would be the end of it. Just because the conclusions negated all of the talking points the lie factory at Fox News Channel was pumping into the public discourse, that doesn’t mean Republicans are ever going to let go of it. After all, Hillary Clinton continues to be America’s most admired woman for 17 of the last 18 years. So naturally Republicans (being the Conservatives they are) will decide they need to personally attack her character. It’s what Conservatives do when they can’t win on the merits of their argument, which is usually on account of their argument has no merits. As with Benghazi. There was no stand down order or denial of air support. The CIA said they had adequate security. Secretary Clinton had asked for increased funding for security and was denied by the Republicans. So was it necessary for the Republicans to put out this?

We need to know why the security at our embassy was left inadequate. Why were requests for additional security denied? Why was our response insufficient? Why were some members of the administration slow to acknowledge a terrorist attack had actually occurred? It is simply unacceptable for so many questions to remain unanswered. And it is unjust and simply wrong for anyone to withhold evidence that may lead to the answers.

Gee, Rep Susan Brooks, did you read the report your party put out less than four months ago? None of those questions are unanswered anymore. So you can stop with Benghazi being the pretense to insist on seeing Hillary’s server. It has nothing whatsoever to do with Benghazi and everything to do with Hillary Clinton and her husband, what’s-his-name, Bill. They are terrified of her. (And him. Republicans did everything they could to take him out, and he’s still as popular as he ever was.) And as we all know, Conservatives are highly motivated by fear. It makes no difference if what they fear is real or imagined. They attack the person (or thing) of whom they’re afraid. And forget about any of the things they say making any sense, especially when their fear is based on something imaginary. Forget about their solutions being cost-effective, or even worth a penny of the money being spent. Bose Speaker John Boehner, last seen drinking in a Minneapolis airport men’s room, crying about his latest humiliation on the House floor when those damn Tea Party bastards screwed him on the Homeland Security Funding bill, has been spending millions and millions of your tax dollars to fund these investigations and lawsuits, none of which serve the interests of the American people.

No, the goal is clear – to bring down Hillary Clinton the way they failed to bring down her husband. They want access to her server so they can dig up dirt on either of them, in the hopes of finding evidence of something illegal, in much the same way the Whitewater investigations went from investigating a land deal on which they lost money to a stain on a blue dress (which may have been blue and black or may have been white and gold, nobody can say for sure.) They’re desperate. You can smell it. On second thought, don’t. As with most things in which Conservatives get involved, it smells badly.

This is our daily open thread. Feel free to discuss Hillary Clinton, e-mails, Benghazi, or anything else you wish to discuss. Just don’t subpoena my server.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015: Hump Day!

Breaking Gnus

Breaking Gnus

BOEHNER SEEKS ARREST WARRANT FOR HILLARY CLINTON

Court records from the Southern Texas Federal District Court indicate that John Boehner is seeking an arrest warrant for the arrest of Hillary Clinton for violating a law that will be enacted as soon as a Republican President is elected. A copy of the future law was attached to the application for the arrest warrant.

The law will make it a federal offence to be a Registered Democrat, punishable by the loss of the right to vote, the right to run for public office, and the right to a fair trial. The law that will be enacted on January 20, 2017, within hours of the swearing in of a Republican President, will be retroactive to January 1, 2015, the date Republicans gained control of the Senate following the disastrously low turnout in the 2014 elections that sealed the fate of the Democratic Party.

So far, the District Court Judge has yet to make a ruling on Boehner’s request for Hillary’s arrest, expressing reservations of acting on the retroactive application of a prospective law.

The Boehner camp is already gearing up, however, for an all-out press-release barrage accusing Hillary of breaking a federal law. Indications point to comparing this new revelation about Hillary with the news about her breaking email laws that had not yet been enacted and her role in Benghazi.

OPEN THREAD
UNLESS, OF COURSE, REPUBLICANS WILL, IN THE FUTURE,
RETROACTIVELY BAN FREE SPEACH

Sunday Roast, August 11, 2013: They’re Both Wrong

Just this past Thursday (remember that day; a mere three days ago) Rep. Markwayne Mullin (R-OK) had an unpleasant conversation with a constituent who insisted that Barack Obama was constitutionally ineligible to be the President of the United States. She claimed to have proof in the form of some papers supposedly gathered by Arizona Bigot-Extraordinaire Joe Arpaio’s Cold Case Posse (which I sincerely hope didn’t use a penny of taxpayer money pursuing this non-crime), but the Congressman was not interested in looking at them. He said to her (and it sure sounds like this to my hard-of-hearing ears), “I don’t even give a shit.” She tried to claim it was “a matter of law.” For his part, the Congressman’s argument was that “We had four years to take care of that,” and that because Obama was re-elected, it was a “dead issue” and “we lost that argument.”

They’re both wrong.

No matter how many times they bring it up, Continue reading

Watering Hole: Monday, December 31, 2012 – Hillary Clinton Hospitalized Sunday with Blood Clot

Image

Many news organizations, including Reuters, have reported that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been admitted to a hospital following the discovery of a small blood clot stemming from the concussion she suffered earlier this month.

Many in the right wing media have been trying to say, sometimes in a roundabout way and sometimes directly, that she was faking her concussion to get out of testifying about what happened in the Sept 11 attack on the Benghazi Consulate. Of course, there is no basis whatsoever for these accusations, but when did the truth ever stop the right wing from saying anything? Fox News hasn’t been shy about questioning the veracity of Secretary Clinton’s claims or the seriousness of her injury. While she was following doctor’s orders and getting bed rest (a smart thing to do after a concussion, especially when you were sick when you got it), some Fox News people have wondered aloud (and on camera) why she still couldn’t testify as scheduled on Benghazi. (I’m no doctor, but I’m guessing the brain damage prevalent at Fox News was not the result of concussions, but simply a prerequisite for being hired to work there as an on-air “talent.”)

Bill O’Reilly dismissively said, “If She Was In The NFL I Wouldn’t Let Her Play, But I Think She Can Make A Phone Call.” And former unconfirmed G. W. Bush UN Ambassador John “I Am The Walrus Mustache” Bolton even pushed a story about how diplomats lie to get out of meetings they don’t wish to attend.

Fox News contributor John Bolton told host Greta van Susteren that when foreign service officers “don’t want to go to a meeting or conference or event,” they have “a diplomatic illness. And this is a diplomatic illness to beat the band.”

And Fox’s Laura Ingraham mocked Sec. Clinton’s condition saying, “We Are Now Calling This The Immaculate Concussion.” It’s actually pretty ignorant of them to say, “No one knows where she is.” Of course people knew – she was at home, as previously reported, where her doctor’s told her to stay. O’Reilly even said where she was later in the segment.

It’s time for Fox News to start apologizing for accusing the Secretary of State of faking her concussion so she wouldn’t have to testify regarding the Benghazi attack. And they’re not the only ones. Soon-to-be former Congressman Allen West said that she was trying to get out of testifying with a bout of the “Benghazi Flu.” To her credit, Fox’s Greta van Susteren has pushed back on these accusations saying, “I don’t agree with any of my (Fox News) colleagues or anyone else who is a tad bit sarcastic on our air about Secretary Clinton’s health.”

Given his well-documented obsession with Hillary Clinton, we can only imagine what Rush Limbaugh has said on the subject. We have to because none of us here can stomach listening to that blowhard.

Surely their apologies are imminent. Yeah, just as surely as I’ll be sworn in next month to replace Secretary Clinton.

This is our daily open thread. Feel free to discuss Hillary’s concussion, Rush’s obsessions, O’Reilly’s brain damage, or any other topic you wish. And from all of us at The Zoo, please enjoy your New Year’s Eve celebrations safely and responsibly.