Dateline: Wednesday, October 3, 2012
The first of the Presidential Debates between Invisible Obama and Invisible Mitt will take place in Brodie, California. Brodie is a Ghost Town, a holdover from the glory days of the California Gold Rush, where such towns sprang up overnight, and were abandoned just as quickly when the ore ran out. Brodie was selected for its remoteness and lack of a living population.
Tweeter: Before we get going on tonight’s topics, which include the economy, health care and the role of government and governing, I want to ask each of you what you’ve done to prepare for tonight’s debates. Mitt?
IM: I’ve been doing a lot of aerobics. It really helps shake things up, so I can get a new position on everything.
IO: Me? I’ve just been doing a lot of leg lifts to stay in shape. (chuckles)
Tweeter: Mitt, I see you’re beginning with a blank slate. Any comment?
IM: I am fully prepared to take any position on anything you ask.
Tweeter: With that, let’s get started. First up is the economy. We had a booming economy when President Clinton left office. The budget was balanced, and we were even paying down the national debt. Eight years later, we were running massive deficits, the floor was falling out from under the stock market. hundreds of thousands of workers were being laid off each month. Invisible Obama, what have you done in the past three and a half years to turn this country around?
IO: Not enough, Tweeter. Yes, I got a stimulus bill through, but it was barely enough to keep the country from sliding into a Great Depression. But I had to agree to letting the very same people who drove the economy over the cliff keep their massive Bush Tax Cuts…that’s the only way I can ever get anything past the Republicans in the Senate.
IM: There you go, blaming Republicans for your failed policies. The stimulus didn’t work because it didn’t cut taxes enough, it didn’t cut regulations enough. If you really want to stimulate the economy, you have to stop taxing the job creators and get rid of wasteful government regulations. Now I’m all for children. God knows Ann popped out enough of them. But why keep them out of the labor force? Why not let them, if they’re industrious enough, go out and get a job and start taking advantage of all the opportunities this Great Country has to offer to get ahead in life. I’m a prime example of pulling myself up by my own bootstraps and making a name for myself.
IO: As I was saying before my illustrious opponent interrupted me, I have had to deal with Republican obstructionism in the Senate since Day One. That’s why I need to be re-elected, so I can continue to do the same things, only this time, I hope the voters toss out the ten Republicans that are up for re-election this year.
IM: (chuckling) Good luck with that! Zing! Oops, wasn’t supposed to say that.
IO: And I suppose you can do better?