Walker digs up the dirt on the upcoming Vice Presidential Debate.
Tomorrow night is the one-and-only
debacle debate between Vice President Joe Biden and his Republican Challenger Paul Ryan. Walker, The Zoo’s underground journalist, sat down with their Invisible counterparts to get an inside exclusive of what to expect.
Invisible Biden: Ok, ok. Everyone knows and expects me to say something stupid, to put my foot in my mouth, but not tomorrow night. Tomorrow night it’s game on! I was a U.S. Senator while Ryan was still in diapers. What’s he worked on…one budget? One budget? And he can’t even explain the math? I’ve voted on over 35 budgets, Republican and Democrat, and math is math. Ryan’s budget doesn’t add up, and that’s a fact.
Invisible Ryan: Oh yeah? Well, I can explain the math, but you wouldn’t get it anyway.
IB: Try me.
IB: Sure, but do you know what it means?
IR: Not a clue.
IB: In other words, the math behind your budget is the same math that brought us the atom bomb.
IR: You may be entitled to your own Math, Biden, but you’re not entitled to your own facts.
IB: Ok, let’s take your facts. Your main man, Mitt, says he’ll cut every program that he doesn’t want to borrow money from China to pay for. He’s gonna take the axe to Big Bird.
IR: So? We can’t keep going into debt just to fund some tv show for children.
IB: We have to borrow billions because of tax cuts to millionaires. What about getting rid of the Bush tax cuts for the very wealthy? We borrow from China and give subsidies to big oil. is it worth borrowing from China to give money to Exxon? What do you have to say about those facts?
IR: Mitt Romney and I are going to eliminate subsidies for big oil. We’re going to raise taxes on the rich and cut taxes for the middle class. We will guarantee the Social Security lock box for generations to come.
IR: We will increase spending for food stamps, subsidized housing, welfare and unemployment.
IB: WTF? Where—when did you guys come up with all this bovine excrement?
IR: Just now. I’m entitled to my own facts, and my facts are the facts whenever I say they are. And the fact is Mitt Romney and I will do whatever it takes, say whatever it takes, to get elected.
Invisible Goin’ Rogue
“It ain’t as easy as that.”
Walker: Invisible Goin’ Rogue? How’d you get in here?
IGR: I should be up there where Joe the Vice President is sitting. I should have been queen…I mean Vice President. But noooo….that good ol’ gotcha media jus’ couldn’t wait to take this hockey mom down a notch or two. Well I ain’t goin’ down any more. Jus’ ask Todd.
As Invisible Going Rogue was escorted out of the building she screamed, “Alaska will secede from the Union if Obama is re-elected! Mark my words! I didn’t quit bein’ governor jus’ to become a nobody! I’m gonna be queen of Alaska! I’m gonna be—” Mercifully the slamming of the door squelched her squawking.
WELL, THIS IS THE OPEN THREAD. PLACE YOUR BETS…