The Watering Hole: Wednesday, October 31, 2012: Romney’s Zombies: Mormons posthumously registering voters.

Walker, The Zoo’s top underground reporter, digging up a new story.

It’s a widely known secret that Mormons baptize the deceased into the Mormon faith. But they have added a new twist in what most regard to be a bizarre practice: Mormons all across key battleground states have been secretly registering the deceased. Using their posthumously issued Baptismal Certificates as IDs, they then register everyone they have baptised into the Mormon faith as a Romney Republican. They also fill out a request for an absentee ballot on behalf of the deceased.

It is rumored that this registration drive has added hundreds of thousands of voters to the rolls in the key battleground states of Ohio, Virginia and Florida, and may prove to give Romney a victory in each of those states. In fact, it appears they have stepped up their efforts, baptizing, registering and casting an absentee ballot is now encompassed in a single ritual.

“County clerks began to question our voter registration drive” one individual involved in the practice spoke, on condition of anonymity. “but when we invoked the First Amendment Freedom of Religion, they usually back right down, especially in the South. “Cept that one in Dade County, Florida. She rejected one of our newly baptized into the faith just because his date of birth was approximately 1837. Heck, Lincoln freed the slaves, we’re just freeying their souls. Go figure.”

Romney, when asked about it, said “We’ve had dead people voting for years. Why should this election be any different?”

HAPPY HALLOWE’EN EVERYONE.

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