The Watering Hole: Wednesday, January1, 2016: I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I’m running for President, Part VII

I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I’m running for President. Here are a few of my positions on issues important to the American People today. Between now and November 2016, I will post additional policy and platform statements.

Today’s topic du jour: State of the Union – yeah, right.

I know, I know. By the time you read this, Obama will have given his last State of the Union Address as President of the United States, blah, blah, blah. He will have put a positive spin on all things Obama, all things black, all things from Kenya. And Fox “News” will have unleashed a barrage showing exactly how incompetent and impotent the Reign of Obama has been, replete with quotes from every Republican candidate from Palin to Trump. (FYI, Palin has never, I repeat never stopped running for President of these here United States.)

The penultimate question is, and always will be: “are you better off now than you were before Obama became President?”

The only possible answer is a resounding “NO!!!”

Before Obama became President, we had hope. Hope for change. Hope for a future better than that of our parents. Now, as we approach the end of his eight-year reign as our supreme leader, we are that much older, that much wiser.

We’re still at war in the middle east – only the name of our enemy has changed from Saddam and Al Qaeda and the Taliban to ISIS or ISIL and Al Qaeda and the Taliban. We’re fighting in Syria now, and Iran is still an open question. Iraq? Forget it. It’s a lost cause. As is Afghanistan. Maybe the oil pipeline is safe, but for sure their heroin production is hitting all-time highs (no pun intended).

Ok, so how about here at home? You feel the boost in the economy from the bazillions in bailout money given to the same banksters that robbed us? Neither did I. Nor anyone else making less than, say, a million a year.

Let’s face it, the only thing we got from eight years of Obama was ObamaCare. Republicans can’t repeal it. The Supreme Court didn’t overturn it. We’re stuck with it. It’s a massive gift to the insurance industry, which wrote much of it. But is it Universal Health Care? No. Medicare for all? No. Just another way for insurance companies to skim their profits off of our health care dollars without improving our health care at all. I know, Republicans created this Boogey Monster of “Government Death Panels” and all. But the reality is that private health insurance companies do that every day, every time they deny a claim, deny a treatment recommended by your doctor, to maximize their profits.

Don’t get me wrong. Obama has done some good.  He refused to prosecute Bush and company for war crimes and crimes against humanity. God knows he had enough evidence in the public record to convict at least some of the previous administration. But by not prosecuting his predecessors he let the whole world know that the United States of America will act with impunity when it comes to invading countries under false pretexts for the sole purpose of changing their government; that we will torture people with impunity; that we will kidnap people, and hold them in prison forever, without charges, without due process, because we are, above all things, a Nation of Laws, a Nation of Freedom, a Nation of Liberty. Which is why, of course, terrorists hate us.

So, come 2016, vote Briseadh na Faire for President. I’m the only candidate for President who knows what’s best for America; the only candidate who acknowledges up front that I will break each and every one of my campaign promises, and, when I do, you won’t be disappointed!

I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I approve this message.

[BriseadhNaFaireforPresidentisnotaffiliatedwithanyPolitcalActionCommitteenorhas receivedtheendorcementofTPZoonoranyotherindividualbusinessnonprofitorganizationorgod.]

OPEN THREAD

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On the Campaign Trail: Romnesia

Tweeter, The Zoo’s top investigative journalist, looks into Romnesia

Tweeter took a break from following Invisible Obama on the Campaign Trail to look into the rising outbreak of Romnesia. On his first stop, he sat for tea and crumpets with Invisible Going Rogue.

Tweeter: Tell me, Ex-Vice-Presidential Candidate, what is Romnesia and do we have anything to fear regarding Romnesia?

Going Rogue

Tweeter, that’s one a those “gotcha media questions.” Romnesia is a country in the ol’ Russian Communist Blocks and its full of communists and socialists. And yes, we have lots to fear of those Russian Romnesian Communist Socialists commin’ over hear and taking over our health care and that’s why we have to get rid of ObamaCare.

And what’s with this food, anyway? Tea and crumpets? It doesn’t sound American.

Tweeter: It’s British. I thought since you wanted to be Queen…

IGR: Well you thought wrong. This red-blooded American Hockey Mom wants good ol’ American food. Todd – – get me a Moose-burger.

The Watering Hole: 4-4-12: Cheney Announces Presidential Bid

What, me worry?

Fresh out of the recovery room following his heart implant transplant, former Vice President Dick Cheney announced his candidacy for the Republican 2012 nomination for President.

“This current crop of candidates is pathetic.” Cheney announced at his press conference. Not one of them are qualified to pick up where I, where President Bush and I left off.”

When asked about Romney’s delegate lead going into the Convention, Cheney brushed it off. “Look, Romney’s the kid nobody wanted, but they’ve been stuck with him because everyone else sucked. His delegates are gonna leave like rats abandoning a sinking ship, now that they can choose a real man…one who’s been there, done that, one who knows what it’s like to bomb a country back to the Stone Age in a war sold to the American people like it was some sort of action-hero movie plot.”

Cheney then launched into an attack on President Obama for cutting and running in Iraq and for daring to even talk about shutting down Guantanamo. “Thank God the Republicans in Congress prevented Obama from closing that prison. Guantanamo is the best weapon we have for instilling fear in political opponents…I mean, those Islamic Terrorists who want to destroy the American Way of Life.”

When asked who he might pick for a Vice Presidential candidate, Cheney was quick to reply, “I ain’t gonna pick no damn Palin, that’s for sure. Actually, I’m favoring Jeb Bush. After all, last time we had a Bush and a Dick. It’s only right that this time it’s a Dick and a Bush.”

OPEN THREAD.
HAVE AT IT!

The Watering Hole: Wednesday, 2-22-12: A Limerick for Your Thoughts?

The candidate Richard Santorum,
Touts the ’vangelical forum;
He’d ban birth control,
With great vitriol,
To women who like sex, he’d whore’m.

Mitt Romney is just such a blast,
Once you get over his past,
He’s on every side,
Like the ever-changing tide,
Schizophrenic’s the role he’s been cast.

Now Newt Gingrich, what can I say?
Shut the government down in his day.
It’s not his fault,
He rubs wounds with salt,
And derides all who stand in his way.

Libertarians stand by Ron Paul,
And surely he gave them his all,
Legalize pot,
Smoke all you got,
But his poll numbers still fall.

The drop-outs are there by the score,
Cain, Palin, and Bachmann and more,
Perry said “Oops”
While Palin did loops,
And Cain’s 9-9-9 hit the floor.

Dear Friends, here’s the GOP pool,
Each one sounds a 1 percent tool,
But lest you should dread,
Tis our Open Thread,
Where Comments are really quite cool.

Breaking News: Tea Party Caucus Blows Off Tornado Victims

Standing firm behind their mantra of personal responsibility, members of the Tea Party Caucus vowed to block all Federal Relief for the victims of the tornados that ravaged the country this past week, killing nearly 300 Americans.

“They chose to live in the path of a tornado” Michelle Bachman said, “and now they have to live with the consequences of that choice.” Bachman said she and other members of the Tea Party Caucus will place holds and filibuster any attempt to provide federal funds for disaster relief in the stricken areas.

“Disaster Relief is just another form of Socialism” said Sarah Palin, who quit as Governor of Alaska following her failed bid to become Vice President so she could exploit the free market with lavish book deals and speaking engagements. “We don’t need to turn to our Goverment for a hand out. We should look to God, who is loving and wonderful and maybe take this as a learning experience, a lesson from God, that we should move to that great and wonderful State of Alaska, which is God’s country, as we all know, because Alaska doesn’t get any tornados, so that’s why I support Michelle and her wonderful Tea Partiers because we don’t need Alaska’s tax dollars going to some free handout to someone who made poor choices all their lives and now God chose to punish them. So really, disaster relief is like going against the will of God. And in this great God-fearing Country of ours, God Bless America, we must never go against God’s Will.”

At that point, a severe weather event caused a power outage at the press conference, and all attendees were herded into storm shelters.

Updates to follow when available.

Don’t Hand Those Clothes To Me

So, will Sarah Palin really try to run for president in 2012? Did she learn anything from the last time she ran for national office? Let’s find out with some help from The Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close To Me”.

Don’t Hand Those Clothes To Me
Original music and lyrics, Sting, 1981
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2009

Young gov’nor, the subject
Of blogger fantasy
She wants this so badly
Knows what she wants to be
Inside her there’s nothing
This girl’s a prop on stage
Veep-picking, she’s so close now
This girl is half his age

Don’t hand, Continue reading

Palin’s Turkey of an Interview

Today, while giving a presser at a turkey hatchery, Sarah Palin allowed herself to be interviewed with the backdrop of turkeys being beheaded – and bleeding out – as she spoke. This was just after she had “pardoned” another foul feathered friend.

If you do not want to watch the sanitized version of this grisly backdrop, David Schuster notes that Palin approved the backdrop herself.

Sarah Palin. The gift that keeps on giving.

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