A Nutty Day (A Song Parody)

I love Sir Paul McCartney, and I have nothing but the deepest admiration, awe, and respect for his musical genius and creativity, and I would never dare make a claim that I could do anything better than he when it came to music. But there is one rather small, almost insignificant complaint I have (other than the official lyrics of “Live and Let Die” where he sings “And if this ever-changing world in which we live in [sic],” which can easily be corrected by changing them to “And if this ever-changing world in which we’re livin’,” and nobody would know the difference), and it’s that some of his most beautiful melodies are also his most saddest songs. Take “She’s Leaving Home.” Such a beautiful tune, and yet such a sad, sad song. “Cried For No One,” is another one. I love that tune and yet it’s hard to feel happy when singing it. And the third one, the one below, “Another Day,” is another great tune with such a sad story. One of my personal goals in all these years of writing song parodies was to take one of those sad Paul McCartney songs and turn it into a happy melody we could have fun singing. I hope I succeeded. And I hope I don’t offend my musical idol, Sir Paul McCartney, without whom a great many bass players would not know how to play, and I wouldn’t have been able to write parodies of “Lady Madonna,” “I’ve Just Seen A Face,” “Revolution,” (I’m sure he helped John out here and there) “Too Many People,” “Eleanor Rigby,” “Here, There, and Everywhere,” “The Night Before,” “Another Girl,” and the entire “Let It Be” album. Thank you, Sir Paul, and I hope you enjoy this one. Maybe you could sing it for us and give us an even happier tune to enjoy even more, even if it is true. 🙂

This is a typical day in the life of Donald J. Trump, so-called President Of The United States. Or as the acronym that’s most often used on the internet goes, Continue reading

The Watering Hole, Monday, Dec 19, 2016: How He’ll Screw Ya (A Song Parody)

The people who voted for Donald Trump have no idea what trouble they’ve caused themselves. Trump never did anything for anybody that didn’t also help himself, even if it was just to stroke his amazingly fragile ego. His Trump Tower Headquarters on 5th Avenue in NYC has become a Mecca for favor seekers and mendacious speakers, including The Donald himself (as he is [dis]affectionately known in his home city.) This is a parody addressed to the ill-educated, short-sighted, bigoted white idiots who voted for Trump. I hope that the rest of you enjoy it at least as much as they’ll hate it.

How He’ll Screw Ya
(Original words and music “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen, 1984
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2016)

Now we know it was no secret chord
That Donald played and it pleased the horde
But you don’t really care for truth now, do ya?
It flows like piss, goes forth from 5th
The minor lies, the major grift
The awful king exposing how he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya

His facts were wrong but you ceded proof
You saw him tweeting like a goof
His duty to the alt-right overthrew ya
He lied to you in bitching where
He broke the rules he claimed unfair
And from his lips we knew just how he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya

Maybe I’ve heard this before
I know this gloom, I’ve fought this war
I used to fight alone before I knew ya
I’ve seen his plans and they’re really poor
He’d love to take a victory tour
He’s so bold and he’s not jokin’ how he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya

There was a time I told you so
What’s really going on you know
But now you never listen to me, do ya
And remember when I proved it true
And the wingnut right was crying boo
And every thing he’d do was how he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya

Maybe there’s a lesson here
All you ever learned from fear
Was how to shoot at someone who’s new to ya
And it’s no surprise that he cheers alt-right
He’s somebody they’re pleased is white
It’s been told and it’s all spoken how he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya

This is our daily open thread. feel free to discuss any topic you wish.

The Watering Hole, Saturday, October 13, 2012 – Pitchin’ a Lie

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but Mitt Romney is a no-good goddamn fucking liar. There, I said it and I’m glad.

Okay, it appears I have said it before. But it’s true. You can see a quick list compiled by Politifact (for what it’s worth), but he’s has told literally hundreds of lies on the campaign trail. And in the famous 47% video, he based an entire answer to a question on a lie. He claimed that all 47% of the people who did not pay any federal income taxes, for whatever reason, were not being responsible for their own lives. That includes the elderly who are retired and living on Social Security, the military who are overseas and putting their lives at risk every day, and the young people just starting out at their first jobs and, like the elderly and the military, not earning enough to owe federal income taxes. It’s not like he said that twelve years ago, it was just this past summer. And it’s not like nobody ever figured out until now why some people don’t pay federal income tax, any competent economist could have explained it in less than five minutes. But there he is lying, again. It seems that’s all Mitt Romney has for a stump speech – lies. Every day, he’s out there pitchin’ a lie.

By the way, this is also our Open Thread (a two-fer). Feel free to talk about Mitt Romney’s Lies, or any other topic you wish to bring up. And enjoy a fun little tune and a parody based on it.

Pitchin’ a Lie
Original Words and Music by Peter Callender and Mitch Murray
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

The dumb goes up when I go by
It’s nearly over now but here am I
Pitchin’ a lie, pitchin’ a lie
Gotta drive it home, make ’em see the light

It’s not so fair, but why complain?
They’re nearly frownin’ from my time at Bain
Pitchin’ a lie, pitchin’ a lie
Gotta drive it home, get ’em to my side

Lie, lie, lie, pitchin’ a lie
Lie, lie, lie, pitchin’ a lie

A distant call from far away
My money’s lonely so I’m on my way
Pitchin’ a lie, pitchin’ a lie
Gotta drive it home, keep ’em satisfied

Lie, lie, lie, pitchin’ a lie
Lie, lie, lie, pitchin’ a lie

The dumb goes up when I go by
But don’t nobody stop and analyze
Pitchin’ a lie, pitchin’ a lie
Gonna take too long, get ’em to my side

Lie, lie, lie, pitchin’ a lie
Lie, lie, lie, pitchin’ a lie
Lie, lie
Lie, lie
Lie, lie
Lie, lie

[Posted at Pick Wayne’s Brain.]

Under Their Scheme

Please don’t sue me, Disney. I just wanted to warn people about the dangers of what the Republicans are trying to do, and I thought a catchy little tune might help. This also happens to be one of my all-time favorite Disney songs.

Under Their Scheme
Original words and music “Under The Sea” by Howard Ashman and Alan Menken, 1989
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2011

Sebastian (spoken): Ariel, listen to me. The Ayn Rand world is a mess
Life under their scheme is deader than anything you’d want out there

(singing) The sequence is always greener, in somebody’s else’s take
You dream about growing up there, but that is a big mistake
Just look how their view confounds you, they scare you and want you poor
Such powerful things astound you, what good is they working for?

Under their scheme, under their scheme
Medicare’s deader, not getting better, take it from me Continue reading

Around To Shout

A long, long time ago, in a college far, far away, I awkwardly sat in on one of my first dorm parties. The stereo was playing “Roundabout” by Yes. I didn’t know much about rock and roll, having grown up with parents who preferred country and western. The old country and western, with the twangy voices and such. Not today’s rock and roll-style country that the younger folks, and even some of the older folks, enjoy today. I knew I liked the song and said so to the guy next to me. He looked at me and said, “You’re normal.” Little did he know…

If I do say so myself, I prefer this version of the song to the original, because my lyrics make more sense. You can actually tell what the hell my song’s about. It’s about Fox News Channel, of course. I hope you enjoy it. (I apologize. I could not find a satisfactory video for this, but I think you all know how it goes. That would make you normal. 🙂 )

Around To Shout
Original words and music “Roundabout” by Jon Anderson, Steve Howe
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

They’ll be around to shout
The words will make you have your doubt
They spend the day this way
Continue reading

All The Dopey People

Ever wonder why some people think the stupidest things? Maybe the people they’re listening to aren’t all that smart.

All The Dopey People
Original Words and Music “Eleanor Rigby”, by John Lennon, Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

Ah, look at all the dopey people
Ah, look at all the dopey people

Billy O’Reilly
Spits out the lies from a search
Of the websites he’s been.
Lives in a dream

Works on the TV,
Wearing his hate that he keeps
In the heart of his core.
Who is it for?

All the dopey people,
Where do their views come from?
All the dopey people,
Where do they all go wrong?

Hannity’s Ego
Writing the words Continue reading

Give Us Single Payer

In the current health care reform discussions, the one option that would have solved everything that’s wrong with our health care system was taken off the table virtually from the beginning – Single Payer. Ill-informed people from all over the country have been flocking to their local town hall discussions with their Congressmen and Senators to tell them, for reasons no sane person can explain, that they don’t want a government-run, Single Payer health care system, but whatever you do, don’t touch their Medicare because they love it (oblivious to the fact that Medicare is a government-run, Single payer health care system.) Fueling the opposition to any kind of meaningful health care reform is the health insurance industry. They are fighting for what they think is their right to make money off your medical problems. It’s not like they make the medications and medical equipment you sometimes need; they are nothing more than an intermediary between you and your doctor’s billing office. Yet, if they have their way, you will have to pay 35% of your medical bills, even if you are paying them for insurance coverage. Are they barely making any money? Hardly, as they seem to have hundreds of millions of dollars to pay the people who sit on their executive boards. Then there’s they way they fix the system to cheat you out of money. You know how they always say they’ll pay 80% of “reasonable and customary charges”? Well, there’s two companies that are in the business of determining what would be considered “reasonable and customary.” And one insurance giant, United Health Care, owns them both. So, if they decide that a reasonable and customary charge for an x-ray is $100, they’ll only cover $80 of it, even if the actual charge is $150. You pick up the $70 difference. One simple change would save $350 billion a year – standardize the forms used, which is what would happen with Single Payer. It really is the best way to go.

In the meantime, enjoy this song parody of Bon Jovi’s “Living On a Prayer.”

Give Us Single Payer
Original words and music “Living on a Prayer” by Jon Bon Jovi,
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Once upon a time not so long ago:

Tommy loves his work as a doc.
Patients have all griped,
Insurance is not enough.
It’s tough.

Continue reading

Too Many Sheeple

Too Many Sheeple
Original words and music “Too Many People” by Paul McCartney, 1971
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Too many sheeple tuning into Fox
Too many teaching that a Peace can wait
Too many sheeple fooled into a box
Too many waiting for that Judgment Day

That was your first mistake
You took a lie they made and spoke it as true
Continue reading

Conservative

Conservatives. What are you gonna do? You can’t reason with them, and you can’t take away their guns and shoot them with them. Not that I would want to. Shoot them with them. But you can’t reason with them. They just don’t operate from the same set of facts that we do. We liberals tend to believe that something is true because it can be proven to be true. But listening to today’s conservatives (of all stripes), it’s as if they believe something is true because enough people believe it to be true, regardless of whether or not it actually is true. And it is from this point of view that they debate things. Not from facts, but from beliefs. And it simply does not matter to them if whatever they believe is not actually true, as long as it supports the rest of their argument, they believe that their argument has merit. I admit that you can sometimes give them credit for following a proper chain of logic based on the propositions they put forth, but even then they sometimes veer from the strict discipline of logic and try to use their conclusion as their proof. But since their propositions are often wrong from the start, it makes no difference how reasonable they sound, they’re still wrong! (Or, if they’re right, it’s for the wrong reasons.) And so I wrote this song to them. I hope you like it.

Conservative
Original words and music “Conquistador” by Procol Harum, 1967
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Conservative, your argument’s in need of scrutiny
And with some devil’s talking points you speak of certainty
I see your litmus paper test
Has long since come to mean
Continue reading

Who’ll Stop The Pain

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As influenced by this opinion piece published this week in the New York Times by Nobel-winning economist, Paul Krugman:

Earlier this week, the Federal Reserve released the minutes of the most recent meeting of its open market committee — the group that sets interest rates. Most press reports focused either on the Fed’s downgrade of the near-term outlook or on its adoption of a long-run 2 percent inflation target.

But my eye was caught by the following chilling passage (yes, things are so bad that the summarized musings of central bankers can keep you up at night): “All participants anticipated that unemployment would remain substantially above its longer-run sustainable rate at the end of 2011, even absent further economic shocks; a few indicated that more than five to six years would be needed for the economy to converge to a longer-run path characterized by sustainable rates of output growth and unemployment and by an appropriate rate of inflation.”

So people at the Fed are troubled by the same question I’ve been obsessing on lately: What’s supposed to end this slump? No doubt this, too, shall pass — but how, and when? (Read on..)

Krugman ends with this:

You can see, then, why some Fed officials are so pessimistic.

Let’s be clear: the Obama administration’s policy initiatives will help in this difficult period — especially if the administration bites the bullet and takes over weak banks. But still I wonder: Who’ll stop the pain?

Here’s a song parody to accompany Krugman’s piece (cross-posted from Pick Wayne’s Brain):

Who’ll Stop The Pain
Original words and music, “Who’ll Stop The Rain” by John Fogerty
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

Long before November
The pain been comin down.
Worst in history showin’
Recession all around.
Bad men through the markets
Tryin’ to chase a buck
And I wonder, still I wonder,
Who’ll stop the pain?

Continue reading

I Can Be Cheery Now

Like many Americans today, I feel completely different when I look at the White House now. I feel proud again.

I also feel silly, too, so here is Johnny Nash to help celebrate the new administration of President Barack Obama.

I Can Be Cheery Now
Original Words and Music “I Can See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash,
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2009

I can be cheery now, disdain is gone.
Continue reading

Memories of Bush

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As some of you know, one of the reasons I started writing things on my own blog was so I could post song parodies. It was one of the best ways I knew to express myself about the things that bothered me. I had hoped, too, that I could at least bring a smile to your faces when you read them. If I’ve done that much, I will die extremely poor financially, but wealthy beyond my dreams emotionally, and that’s the better bargain for me. Thank you to all who have encouraged me to keep writing them.

So, as we say goodbye to our 43rd, and Still Current, President George Walker Bush, Jr., I would like to re-cap all the parodies I’ve written about Bush or his cohorts in crime. Many of the earlier ones appeared only on my original Blogspot blog, so some of them may be new to some of you. The rest I posted at my WordPress blog, and some of them have been posted here at TheZoo before. In any case, I will try to proceed chronologically, in the order I first published them. If I re-posted any on WordPress, I’ll provide a link there (I can track those. 😉 ). It seems to be the only form of “logical” analysis of the Bush Administration that makes sense.

Let’s see, back in Oct 2006, when word was getting out that we were really doing a number on the detainees at Guantanamo Bay Continue reading

Hazy Brain

Sometimes I worry about the citizens of this country.

Hazy Brain
Original Words and Music “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne, 1980
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Hazy,
That’s how my mind goes
Millions of details
Giving me throes
Maybe
It’s just my brain
I learn how to think
But forget to retain

Mental wounds appearing
Life’s a funny game
I’m going off the meds on a hazy brain
I’m going off the meds on a hazy brain

I’ve listened to pundits
I’ve listened to news
Continue reading

Larry Loses Again

Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) was turned down today in his appeal to have his guilty plea overturned. In the Minnesota Court of Appeals decision, they rejected his claims that the sentencing judge didn’t have all the facts. In part, this was because it was Craig’s job to provide them and he didn’t. Also, it’s pretty tough to try to go into court to have your own guilty plea overturned.

According to Politico.com, Sen Craig issued this statement Continue reading

Dear John McCain

Here is what I would say to John McCain, if I thought he’d listen to me. I was looking for a video to post with this one, and I almost rejected it until it got to around 3:14 in the video. What a hilarious shot. I hope you enjoy it. And John McCain, I hope you listen.

Dear John McCain
Original words and music “Photograph” by Richard Starkey and George Harrison
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Ev’ry time I hear his voice
It reminds me of the choices, we have to vote
But all I want is a Democrat
Who will realize we’re not going back to before

I think I’ll make it the day you go away
But I can’t take it
If you get voted in to stay-yi-yay-yi-yay

I can’t get used to living here
While my bank is broke, my fears supplied by you
I want the one who’s young and bold
Continue reading

Blinded By The Right

Painful as it is to admit, we got duped.

Blinded By The Right
Original Words and Music “Blinded by The Light” by Bruce Springsteen, 1973
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Madman Georgie-Porgy and contractors in an orgy, well he ain’t no diplomat
On the outs with his bouts as the alcoholic doubts his way is where it’s at
With the story of his glory feelin’ kinda gory I skipped the Sunday-go-round
With this very unnerving curving and swerving the calamity crashed to the ground.
Some half-hot all-snot was talkin’ up the hot spot, pointin’ his fingers, joinin’ his man
And some Bush-bot mascot was tied into a legal knot with his what-not in his hand
And then poor Scott, put on the spot, falsely told a bunch of rot and boned our soldiers in the sand
And some bloodshot drunken sot whispers Pappy’s within earshot, save the buckshot, don’t play your hand

Yes, we were blinded by the right,
Oh, got juiced by a ruse, another rumor in the night
Continue reading

Washington Hillbilly

Washington Hillbilly
(Original words and music “Theme from “Beverley Hillbillies”
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008)

This here’s the story ‘bout a gal named Sar’
Young governor barely kept herself aware
Then one day she was braggin’ on her crude
When up came a call from a guy who was rude
John, that is, white skin, Keating Five
Well, the next thing you know Sar’s asked to be his mate
Kin folk said, “Sar’ this is really great”
Said, “Washitoney is the place you oughta be”
So she shot herself a moose and she said that she’d agree
Run, that is, telling lies, sounding dumb

(happy banjo music)

Y’all go back now, ya hear?

A Song Parody Tribute to John McCain

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A collection of song parodies dedicated to or about Senator John McCain, the very, very senior Senator from the Great State of Arizona. (The Fightin’ Senators!) See if you can guess how I feel about the Senator. And please enjoy. Thanks.

I am frightened at the prospect of a McCain (and subsequent Palin) Presidency because I do not trust him (or her) with our nation’s military arsenal at his (or her) disposal. I think they would be too eager to use them.

Continue reading

I’ve Just Seen a Post

This post was originally written and posted on another blog on June 19, 2007. The problem of which I speak in the beginning is directly responsible for the creation of this wonderful blog, and I am grateful to the other Critters for inviting me to join them here.

I’ve noticed that ThinkProgress (affectionately known to us as “TP”) still has a problem with trolls. Trolls are people who jump into a topic and post false, misleading, deceptive or inflammatory remarks with the sole purpose of derailing the conversation so that we waste our time, and the site master’s bandwidth. They often have no rational basis for the things they say. They know that if they jump in and say something like, “Liberals are baby-killers,” they’ll get a reaction. They aren’t interested in discussing anything rationally. They’re just trying to piss us off. Unfortunately, they all too often succeed.

The ironic thing is that while they often accuse us of trying to suppress free speech, if you go to one of the more popular conservative websites (such as Redstate.org) and post something even the tiniest bit critical of Bush or Republicans in general, they ban you. (At least, that’s what some have said.) I guess the truth hurts.

So, my experiences since I returned to the blogosphere inspired me to write another song parody. This is to the tune of The Beatles’ “I’ve Just Seen a Face”. (Original words and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.) I wanted to have it finished by yesterday, but I couldn’t quite get it done. Consider it a belated birthday present to Sir (James) Paul McCartney, whose birthday was June 18th. I hope you enjoy it. As usual, thank you Jane for your help and advice.

I’ve Just Seen a Post
Original words and music “I’ve Just Seen a Face” by John Lennon & Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

I’ve just seen a post I can’t resist
What he did boast and I insist
He check his facts for me,
And I want all the world to see
He lied.
Lie-lie-lie-la-la-lied.

Had he not been so absurd
Continue reading

The Craving

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This poem was originally published on 12/24/06.

There has been much speculation about why the President really chose to invade Iraq. Some say it was to stabilize the region so our access to oil would be secure. Some say it was because Saddam had tried to assassinate the president’s father years before. (Then-President Clinton had already punished Saddam for that one, but that’s another story.) I am of the belief that this was just one part of an ambitious effort by President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney to expand the powers of the Office of the President of the United States of America to a height even Richard M. Nixon would have secretly envied. They are invoking a theory called the “Unitary Executive” which, in essence, says that the Executive Branch of our government has just as much say as to how the laws and the Constitution should be interpreted as the other two branches. (And I don’t mind telling you that it wasn’t easy to work the phrase “Unitary Executive” into a poem structured like this.) This theory has not been widely accepted by constitutional scholars. That little detail, however, has not stopped them. With sincere apologies to Edgar Allan Poe and fans of his great poem “The Raven”, I would like to present my version of the president’s quest for power with a poem I call “The Craving.” And my most deepest thanks to my wife, Jane, for her invaluable assistance in writing this. I hope you enjoy it. And if by some strange fluke of reality, you happen to be reading this Mr. President, take the hint.

The Craving

By Wayne A. Schneider

Act I: Extremists

Once upon a Tuesday Morning, after I ignored a warning
Over many there came a furious full plume of fiery gore.
Later seated simply staring, suddenly someone was sharing
That the enemy was bearing, bearing toward my White House door.
“It’s those terrorists,” I muttered “bearing toward my White House door.”
It was one, and there were four.

The other planes had landed where the terrorists had planned it,
Bringing death and devastation on a scale unseen before.
But the passengers still flying on Flight 93 were trying
To prevent more people dying once they learned what was in store.
They sacrificed their souls to save us suffering so much more.
Bless them all forever more.

Continue reading

Lady McPalin

Lady McPalin
Original words and music “Lady Madonna”, by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Lady McPalin, standing on your feet
Wonder how you manage to take the heat?
Who took the money? Something else was meant.
Did you spend the money that Congress sent?
Friday night a lie about an airplane
Continue reading