I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I’m running for President. Here are a few of my positions on issues important to the American People today. Between now and November 2016, I will post additional policy and platform statements.
Today’s topic du jour: The Middle East, more specifically, Iraq.
Let’s face it, invading Iraq, again, is inevitable. Bush’s successful invasion was bungled, and bungled badly, by not following Biblical principles. The Middle East, and especially Iraq, is still living in Biblical times, and must be treated accordingly.
Now, in Biblical times, when a country was invaded, the soldiers were killed, and able-bodied women and children were taken into slavery. The conquers took control of the land and settled there. That’s what we need to do.
Not only do we invade Iraq, we execute as war criminals all able-bodied men, we enslave the women and children. You see, once they are convicted as unlawful enemy combatants, the 13th Amendment prohibition against slavery no longer applies.
Then we offer land to any American Family that wants to move there. A lot of land. And a percentage of the oil revenues. There will be only one condition: that they be fertile, and abstain from using any form of birth control, to follow the Biblical Commandment to go forth and multiply, and that they be card-carrying members of the NRA, with their own private arsenal.
This way, by the end of my first term as President, Iraq will become the 51st State in the Union. Of course, we’ll have to give it a new name. I’m open to suggestions.
So, come 2016, vote Briseadh na Faire for President. I’m the only candidate for President who knows what’s best for America; the only candidate who acknowledges up front that I will break each and every one of my campaign promises, and, when I do, you won’t be disappointed!
[Briseadh na Faire – it’s pronounced Breesha na Fair-ah.]
I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I approve this message.