The Watering Hole: Wednesday, October 5, 2011.

This past weekend a group of “delegates” held a “Constitutional Convention” in the Bohemian Grove, a coastal redwood forest near the tiny town of Monte Rio, California.

Headed by none other than former Governor Sarah Palin, the group set about on a monumental task of rewriting the Constitution of the United States of America. Sources reveal their plan is to introduce their new Constitution shortly after Republicans regain control of the Senate and the White House, together with control of the legislatures of 38 States, ensuring its passage.

Eyewitnesses report the Grove had various notable politicos and various influential guests arriving and departing at all hours of the day and night, including brief visits by Michelle Bachmann, the Koch Brothers, Ann Coulter, Mitt Romney and Ginther, a local stand-up comic that does Al Jolsen imitations with a Southern German accent.

After the “Constitutional Convention” wrapped up, local dumpster divers, looking for left-over filet mignon, lobster and abalone, discovered a copy of their final-revised-completed-top-top-top-secret menu, as well as the handwritten copy of our next Constitution.

We, here at The Zoo, have spared no expense to bring this highly sensitive, potentially politically explosive document to you, our beloved Readers.

PREAMBLE

We, the Citizens of this Great God-Given Land, in order to form a more Perfect Union between us and Our Lord and Savior, and to prepare the way for His Coming, as He has promised us He would, do hereby adopt this Constitution of the Citizens United States of America.

ARTICLE 1

Congress.

Congress is useless, and a waste of taxpayer’s money. All laws shall be proposed by the United Citizens of this Great Country by posting them online on Facebook, or other such similar website as the President may declare from time to time. Those proposed laws that receive the most votes shall become law, unless of course, the President disagrees, in which case it shall not become a law, but it will be deemed a good idea anyway.

ARTICLE 2

The President.

The President is God’s Representative here on earth. He, or She, reigns supreme over the land, and the fighting forces, and all the animals and plants and birds and fishes and natural resources.
The President shall be elected by a direct vote of the people eligible to vote, that is, white men who own property, just as our Founding Fathers wanted. All votes shall be tabulated by Deibold voting machines, or by such similar machines as a successor company shall make. Votes shall be counted according to the net worth of the voter.

ARTICLE 3

The Judiciary.

The Courts shall deal with criminal matters only. People with civil disputes should resolve them before God, not a judge.

ARTICLE 4

Full Faith and Credit.

We put our Full Faith and Credit in God. All previous debts and obligations incurred by the United States when it was in the throes of pagan, heathen, secular-humanist, liberals are hereby refudiated.

ARTICLE 5

Taxes.

None.

ARTICLE 6

Amendments to this Constitution.

Ain’t gonna happen.

ARTICLE 7

Marriage.

Gay people can’t get married.

ARTICLE 8

Guns.

People can buy all the guns and ammo they can afford.

ARTICLE 9

Abortion.

See Article 6.

Oh, and all the previous laws of the United States are hereby declared null and void and to no effect whatsoever. And States, you can do whatever you want as long as you don’t want to do anything that’s not allowed by this Constitution.

This is our Open Thread. Speak Up!

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The Famous Ride of Paul Revere

By  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year… [I guess that explains it]

Showing the now famous clip of Sarah Palin, sharing her own version of historical events (the ride of Paul Revere) during her recent visit to North Boston, Colbert had this to say: “I could not have said a random string of words better..”

Stephen decides to prove that Paul Revere could have ridden a horse while ringing a bell and firing multiple warning shots from a front-loading musket.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

After Sarah Palin was called out this week  by Chris Wallace of FOX News on her messup of historical facts, this was her response:

You know what? I didn’t mess up about Paul Revere. Here is what Paul Revere did. He warned the Americans that the British were coming, the British were coming, and they were going to try take our arms, and we got to make sure that we were protecting ourselves and shoring up all of ammunitions and our firearms so that they couldn’t take it.

And then this:

“In a shout-out, gotcha type of question that was asked of me, I answered candidly. And I know my American history.”

This all came about, of course, due to the vile ‘gotcha’ question put to Palin by the lamestream media:

What have you seen so far today [in Boston], and what are you going to take away from your visit?

Here’s that video:

Her response to the ‘gotcha’ question:

“We saw where Paul Revere hung out as a teenager, which was something new to learn. And, you know, he who warned the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure, as he is riding his horse through town, to send those warning shots and bells, that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free.”

American History, as told by Sarah Palin.

By now you’ve probably heard of Palin’s recounting of the Midnight Ride of Paul Revere:

He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms uh by ringing those bells and making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed.

The Zoo recently came into possession of documents which some scholars feel may be Palin’s actual notes she wrote while studying American History in College. We share those with you, our dear readers, so that you might have a better understanding of our history and culture, through the eyes of our next President of the United States of America:

The Pilgrims came to America in 1492 wearin their funny hats and shoes and buckles because they wanted religious freedom so they escaped from Nazi Germany because Hitler was sending all the Jews to Israel and they didn’t want to go to Israel because there was no oil there. So they drove their Plymoth over the rocks to Manhatten where they met a bunch of Indians. The Indians said they owned Manhatten, but they didn’t have any birth certificates, so the Pilgrims, naturally knowing the Indians were here illegally, but being good Christians and good neighbors and all gave the Indians a gift certificate to buy them some jewelery at Tiffanies and the Indians gave Manhatten to the Pilgrims so they could practice their religious freedoms and burn the witches that picked all their May flowers.

Our Founding Fathers fought the American Revolution and fired that shot heard around the world because they warned the British not to dump all their tea into the harbor and destroy our freedoms and of religion, too, and they had the right to bear arms. and free markets.

The Civil war was fought by our founding fathers after that greatest of all Republican Presidents Ronald Reagan freed the slaves. The southern states weren’t very civil about it and so they called it the Civil War but the southern states wanted socialism and so that’s why they lost. But once the slaves were free they shot Abraham Lincoln because they didn’t want all that personal responsibility and accountability and so that’s why Democrats gave them welfare so they wouldn’t have to work anymore after their slavery was taken away from them.

Enough: It’s time to take a stand — against the likes of Sarah Palin

Source: Paul Jamiol

On Saturday, a man named Jared Lee Loughner murdered six people, and wounded thirteen others, including Rep Gabrielle Giffords of Arizona, who is in critical condition (as of this writing) with a bullet to her brain.

These are the dead:

  • Phyllis Scheck, 79
  • Dorthy Murray, 76
  • Dorwin Stoddard, 76
  • John M. Roll, 63
  • Gabriel Zimmerman, 30
  • Christina Green, 9

Tell me something Sarah Palin, Sharron Angle, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, and Fox News et al: When is enough enough? When do you feel like you’ve “won?”  How much blood must be shed, in the name of your twisted ideology?  What is it going to take for you to SHUT UP?

Who will be the next Scott Roeder…Richard Popalowski…Jim Adkisson…Byron Williams…or Jared Lee Loughner?  Who will be the next unbalanced crackpot, sitting next to his/her radio or television, soaking up the despicable noxious bloviations gushing from your loathsome mouths, and deciding that the best thing to do about your egregious hyperbole is to take a gun and blast people out of existence?  Who!?

Don’t worry, no one expects any tearful retractions — as if such a thing is even possible — or heartfelt mea culpas.  No no no no, we all know that there was no way you could have anticipated the effect your vomitous spewing would have on the odd unbalanced individual. Heavens no!  Hearing Bill O’Reilly’s pompous pontificating over “Tiller the baby killer” or Glenn Beck’s paranoid ravings about the Tides Foundation or Sarah Palin’s thoughtless and provocative hit list with gun cross-hairs couldn’t possibly have any adverse effect, right?

Well, Sarah Palin is right about one thing.  It IS time to take a stand — against the likes of her, O’Reilly, Beck, Limbaugh, and so many others whose main purpose in life is to foment hatred and violence, while making tons of money in the process of shredding the fabric of this country.

This stops now — a little girl named Christina Green will never see her 10th birthday, because of YOU.

This is our daily open thread.

Sarah Palin – Killing by Proxy

 

Sarah Palin's Bullseye Map

So she really thought there weren’t some idiots out there who would put a bullett where she indicated it should go? So she really thought words have no consequences? Advocating political assassination was a hallmark of the German right between the World Wars. It was a hallmark of NAZISM! Sarah Palin is an accomplice to six counts of murder and 12 counts of shooting with the intent to kill. Period.

 

UPDATE: BREAKING NEWS:

Sadly we can add 5 more to the total, and one wounded Democratic member of the House of Representatives:

Arizona Rep. Giffords shot, at least 5 killed

By TERRY TANG, AMANDA LEE MYERS and DAVID ESPO, Associated Press Terry Tang, Amanda Lee Myers And David Espo, Associated Press – 47 mins ago
TUCSON, Ariz. – Rep. Gabrielle Giffords of Arizona was shot in the head Saturday when an assailant opened fire outside a grocery store during a meeting with constituents, killing at least five people and wounding several others in a rampage that rattled the nation.