Hump Day, 9/11/19: Trump Declares Victory over Hurricane Dorian

In a speech meant to commemorate the events of Nine-One-One, Trump veered off course and declared a “complete, total, victory” over Hurricane Dorian. He took full credit for “saving the good people of Alabama” from the effects of the hurricane.

“I could have nuked the hurricane” he said. “Could have. But didn’t. And that would have put an end to it while it was still over the Bahamas. But I didn’t.” Trump held up his “Magic Sharpie Map.”

Trump displays the highly classified NOAA Map showing Hurricane Dorian hitting Alabama.

Trump told the sparse audience at his rain-soaked Mar-a-Lago resort where he spent the week golfing and nominating club members for federal judicialships that he alone deflected Dorian’s path. “I drew other maps, maps that are highly classified. Highly classified. Because they worked. These other maps, drawn with my magic sharpie, which you can all buy a copy of, by the way. Won’t work as good as mine. Yours won’t have my magic in them, but they will bear my official signature, which is magical, by the way. Very magical.”

“I took my sharpie…magical sharpie….and I drew a line showing Hurricane Dorian curving away from Florida, away from this beautiful spot where you are now all standing, and up the coast. And guess what….the hurricane obeyed me. It followed my map.”

A polite round of applause ensued, whereupon Trump declared “I am the Chosen One.”

This, of course, was portrayed by CN”Fake News” Network as Trump talking about trade talks with China once more. The Liberal Left refuses to acknowledge that Trump has the power to change the weather.

However, when it comes to magic, and being the Chosen One, Trump has competition from the other side of the pond.

Manafort Defense Rests — Calls No Witnesses

via RawStory

manafort

The day after Robert Mueller’s team called a butt load of witnesses, Manafort’s defense rested, having called zero witnesses in his trial for fraud and money laundering.

In my humble opinion, Manafort is trying to present an image of confidence that the prosecution failed to prove its case — and failed.  In reality, it appears that the defense was worried about Mueller’s team being able to cross-examine their super-duper honest witnesses.

Anyhoo, I feel safe making the blindingly obvious prediction that tRump, while he’s not using his “executive time” to scrub away the stink of flopsweat, will be frantically tweeting more misspelled batshit insane “thoughts” than usual.  Maybe bring in Hannity for a soothing tongue bath…

BTW, sorryi’vebeengoneareallyreallyreallylongtimepleaseforgiveme.

Consider this your open thread!

Smells Like Trump Spirit (A Song Parody)

Here’s Nirvana to tell you why Trump is dangerous.

Smells Like Trump Spirit
Based on “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana
Original lyrics and music by Chris Novoselic, David Grohl, and Kurt Cobain ©1991 Warner/Chappell Music, Inc
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider ©2018

They all got guns, warn your friends
They always lose but still pretend
He’s overboard and self-adored
You know he’s just a dirty whore
He’ll go so low, who knows how low
He’ll go so low, who knows how low
He’ll go so low, who knows how low
He’ll go so low, who knows

When he tweets out, he’s so dangerous
But he needs to entertain us
It’s so stupid but contagious
So we let him entertain us
A potato, a white rhino, a bandito, no libido
Yeah, hey

Continue reading

Weep For America

OMFG! This man is insane! Donald J. Trump has no perceivable grounding in Reality. He starts off with a lie about the Empire State Building. Now, you might say I’m quibbling (and I would congratulate you on your extensive, if slightly misused, vocabulary) but there’s a reason Donald did it. He’s setting up a contrast between how long it took to build the Empire State Building (*) and how long it takes to build new “highways” (I wasn’t aware the Interstate Highway System was expanding so much), a difference he blames entirely on regulations. No other reasons, just regulations. Never mind, Donald, that the REASON for all those regulations was one word – experience. We learned what could go wrong if you didn’t make people follow certain codes. (Good example by an American company overseas: KBR and the electrocuting showers. That’s what no regulations gets you. Also see: Somalia.) He claims he could have built the latest new highway he saw in a state he wouldn’t name for less money and faster. Those of us who know of him and his history know it’s because he doesn’t follow regulations. BTW, if you haven’t already checked, Donald claimed the Empire State Building was built in eleven months. If you do the Google search suggested below, you’ll see it clearly says it took one year and forty-five days to complete. Donald wanted to minimize how long it took (without any mention of the lives lost) to build it. Just because he likes to exaggerate and make himself seem more important, knowledgeable, and useful than he really is.

Near the end, when asked how race relations can be improved, he answers that things will get better once jobs come back, good-paying jobs, and everyone is making more money, then we’ll see race relations improve. Yes. Seriously. He said that. He thinks money solves all problems, even centuries of institutional racism in America. It’s as if suddenly all the managers are going to be black and making more money, and then they’ll be happier and they won’t complain about the fact their local bank still won’t give them a fucking mortgage.

Then he brags about his winery in Charlottesville.

There are several times during the presser when he says “Excuse me. Excuse me.”, usually following some “chatter”. If you’ve ever seen The President Show with Anthony Atamuniak (that’s close to his name) as Donald Trump, you will hear his impersonation. And you’ll laugh to yourself. And if you’re in public at the time, it could get you some strange looks. I’m just sayin’.
So enjoy the interview. Then curl up with a nice bottle somewhere and weep gently for this country.
Then go out and fucking VOTE!

(*) If you start to type “How long did it take” into Google, the first option on the list is “…to build the Empire State Building”. I’m guessing a lot of people did what I did and fact-checked Donald and instantly found him wrong. Again.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2017/08/15/trumps-off-the-rails-news-conference-on-charlottesville-the-alt-left-and-infrastructure-annotated/?utm_term=.335966271167

The Watering Hole, Saturday, April 29, 2017: Presidenting Is Hard

In an interview with Reuters, Donald J. Trump, the man who did not win by the largest electoral vote total for a Republican (even since Reagan), actually said, “This [being president] is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier.” This may be because Trump did not know that the entire White House staff would have to be replaced when he took office. He learned this when he sat down with President Obama after winning the election. Apparently no one on his campaign staff knew that either, including his future Chief of Staff and RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.

So I want to send a great big “FUCK YOU!” to every American who voted for this ignorant, egomaniacal, narcissistic, xenophobic, misogynistic, white nationalist, dictator-loving shit stain on the fabric of our society. Read a fucking book! Try to learn exactly what the government is responsible for doing and how it’s done. Learn about the three branches of government and how they interact with each other. Then try to understand why it is so important to put people in those positions who know what the fuck they’re doing! Try to understand why, no, you don’t want an “outsider” elected to the highest public office in the land for his first job as a public servant. Especially when he surrounds himself with similarly inexperienced people who want nothing but to destroy the liberal framework of our society. You idiot Trump supporters elected a man who is going to take away many of the government services upon which most of you depend. (Read that last sentence back to yourselves a few times. The sentence structure may look funny, but it’s what we call “grammatically correct.”) In other words, your lives are about to take a sharp turn for the worse. That’s the price you’re going to pay for your stupidity. Your only hope is to learn. Somehow.

This is a tweet by the Rogue POTUS Staff account, which is generally accepted to be real inside people tweeting about real inner workings in the White House, so there’s a good chance this is not entirely made up stuff. It will make you laugh, but it should unnerve you a little and make you want to get him out of there legally and as soon as possible. He certainly needs mental health treatment, so it’s a good thing Obamacare covers that.

This is our daily open thread. Fell free to leave a cathartic rant upon any subject you wish.

The Watering Hole, Monday, April 24th, 2017: The Boob Tube Prez

In the same troubling vein as the recent Time Magazine interview with President trump, here’s a few disturbing articles about trump’s overriding fascination with all things TV.
A recent Raw Story article demonstrates the incompetence of both trump and his aides, and shows that trump’s is a presidency without anything resembling an “administration”:

“Some of President Donald Trump’s top aides worry that too much of his time is unsupervised, which — in the past — has led to serious unforced errors that undermine him and his administration.”

Yeah, not to mention the entire country, and world stability.

“And while some advisers support the president’s unconventional approach to the job, others worry that these holes in the president’s schedule are where he goes awry and “watches too much TV”, gets overexcited and posts inflammatory — frequently inaccurate — rants online or speaks by phone with people who encourage his worst instincts.”

What trump’s advisors SHOULD primarily be worrying about is the fact that there are so many “holes in the president’s schedule.” His aides should be scheduling tutors in remedial civics, the Constitution, presidential protocol, history, geography, oh, hell, EVERYTHING he doesn’t seem to have a clue about when it comes to the U.S. government. Maybe if they tried teaching him via videos on a big-screen TV – and kept referring to it as “Reality TV” – they might get him to learn something.

From a second Raw Story article:

“The Washington Post said Sunday that in addition to fretting over what the president will do if left alone too long, Trump’s aides and advisers struggle to keep the president from consuming too much TV or watching things that will upset him and cause him to erupt on Twitter.”

Yes, the President of the United States, the most powerful person in the world, needs a babysitter. I think it would be more helpful if they hired a boot camp drill instructor.

A few excerpts from the Washington Post article by Ashley Parker and Robert Costa:

““President Trump is someone who comes to the White House with a sophisticated understanding of how to communicate, the power of television, the power of imagery, the power of message, and how message, messenger and delivery all work together,” said Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the president.”

Although Kellyanne managed to actually string words together that made a somewhat coherent sentence, her seeming point that trump’s TV savvy makes him better qualified as a president is ridiculous. The crudeness and ignorance of the actual content of trump’s communications, messages and delivery overshadow any “sophisticated understanding” of the medium used.

“He is also a natural showman. During the campaign, he riveted viewers with his raucous rallies, where he often spoke for more than hour without any notes or teleprompters. And in TV interviews, he sometimes offers tips on matters including lighting and chair placement, with an intuitive sense of what makes for good TV.”

Being a “natural showman” is all well and good for magicians, game-show hosts, carnival barkers, and snake-oil salesman, but again, it is not the top qualification for running a working government. And trump’s speeches where he rambled for “more than [an] hour without notes or teleprompters” are infamous for their non-sequiturs, weird tangents, and outright made-up bullshit.

“During a small working lunch at the White House last month, the question of job security in President Trump’s tumultuous White House came up, and one of the attendees wondered whether press secretary Sean Spicer might be the first to go.

The president’s response was swift and unequivocal. “I’m not firing Sean Spicer,” he said, according to someone familiar with the encounter. “That guy gets great ratings. Everyone tunes in.”

Trump even likened Spicer’s daily news briefings to a daytime soap opera, noting proudly that his press secretary attracted nearly as many viewers.

For Trump — a reality TV star who parlayed his blustery-yet-knowing on-air persona into a winning political brand — television is often the guiding force of his day, both weapon and scalpel, megaphone and news feed.”

This is a president for whom “ratings” and appearance are more important than honesty and integrity. A president who is superficial, crass, and so limited in his ability to learn or mature that, at 70, he still bases decisions as president on what he sees on cable TV, particularly Fox, his favorite propaganda network. A frightening concept, right?

What I find almost as frightening is that the Washington Post article isn’t screaming “THIS PRESIDENT IS TOTALLY FUBAR”, or even “THIS PRESIDENT IS INCOMPETENT”, let alone “THIS IS NOT NORMAL!”

This is our Open Thread – say anything you want.

The Watering Hole, Saturday, April 15th, 2017: Eve of Destruction? Enjoy the View

If we’re lucky, trump and/or Kim Jong-Un won’t blow up the planet this coming week. Unless something insane happens during the imminent fly-by of asteroid 2014 JO25, on April 19th, at a distance of 1.1 million miles, we could get through the week.

And if we’re really lucky and make it safely through these fucked-up times, and humankind is still around ten years from now, another asteroid will be visiting us at approximately 236,000 miles, about the same distance away as our moon. If the scientists are off a bit in their calculations, who knows, perhaps 1999 AN10 will be merciful and finish us off.

In the meantime, enjoy these glorious pictures of a wide variety of places on this planet we call home.

This is our Open Thread-say anything.