BREAKING GNUS: PRESIDENT USES AUMF TO INVADE CONGRESS

Twitter, The Zoo's Top Investigative Journalist

Twitter, The Zoo’s Top Investigative Journalist

THIS JUST IN:

Earlier this morning, Speaker of the House John Boehner announced he will not bring a clean debt ceiling increase bill to a vote in the House of Representatives, guaranteeing that the nation will default in its debt obligations.

President Obama was swift in his response. “This is like terrorists invading a bank and threatening to kill every hostage unless we negotate with them, meaning, we give the terrorists everything they want, knowing that the terrorists will be back in a couple of months, taking more hostages, making more demands.”

“We don’t negotiate with terrorists.” the President was visibly agitated. “Under the Authorization to Use Military Force, I have the authority to use all means at my disposal to deal with terrorists, and can even invade, if absolutely necessary, capture and detain in Guantanamo any suspected terrorists, whereever they are, anywhere in the world.

“And so, I have ordered an invasion of the House of Representatives and the immediate incarceration in Guantanamo every member of the Republican Party. They will be held indefinitely, and treated no different than the current detainees at that facility.”

With that, the Presdent left the Rose Garden without taking any questions.

More to follow as events unfold.

37 thoughts on “BREAKING GNUS: PRESIDENT USES AUMF TO INVADE CONGRESS

  1. Rod Blagojevich: “it’s a fucking valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing”

    Rep. Marlin Stutzman (R-Ind.): “We’re not going to be disrespected. We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.”

    Is there any difference?

  2. Dear Car with CLB8LYF license plate,

    No one can tell if you are bad at spelling or a nun.

    Best wishes,

    Everyone

  3. We really are dealing with children. They really can’t understand how allowing the world’s largest economy to default on its debts would be bad?

    Seriously?

    Lew sticks with 'catastrophic' warnings about debt-ceiling, but short on specifics | Fox News

    Treasury Secretary Jacob Lew on Sunday defended accusations of fear mongering over Congress potentially failing to increase the federal debt limit — including his assertion that the economic impact would be “catastrophic.” He declined, however, to provide specific examples, saying instead that Congress blowing the Oct. 17 debt-limit deadline would be “reckless.”

    • I wonder what causes so much memory loss in conservatives? Do they not remember the last time they threatened to default, and the financial effects that had? It’s called “history”, but it’s not THAT long ago.

      Jeebus, the idiot comments are popping in on that page, seems each one more disgusting than the next.

      • They are known to write ‘history’ that favors themselves..
        *be damned the populace* appears to be part of the RepugnantParty’s motto!

  4. Well, my youngest has just spent some time in the ER, having cracked his head on something. He no longer has a car, so he walked himself to and from the ER, which breaks my heart just thinking about it.

    I’m heading up there to make sure he’s okay, and to give him a kiss on the head to make it all better.

      • I would presume there is no concussion involved or at least hope so lest they would not have let him leave.

      • Thanks, Wayne.

        He’s got a cut on his head, and a mild concussion. He’s a tall guy (6’5″), and there’s a low hanging eave right outside his door. Apparently, he bent over to put out his cigarette and forgot about the sticky outy eave, and CRACK! When he woke up, he was lying on his porch with blood all over his face.

        He’ll be fine, but I had to slip in the observation that not only will smoking kill you, it will knock you out, too. 😉

  5. President Obama insists he won’t agree to Republican demands unless they agree to single payer healthcare. Medicare for all Americans.

  6. Twain had quite the disdain for religion. From the newly-released Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume II, Twain sums up the discrepancy and hypocrisy:

    “We deal in a curious and laughable confusion of notions concerning God. We divide Him in two, bring half of Him down to an obscure and infinitesimal corner of the world to confer salvation upon a little colony of Jews—and only Jews, no one else—and leave the other half of Him throned in heaven and looking down and eagerly and anxiously watching for results. We reverently study the history of the earthly half, and deduce from it the conviction that the earthly half has reformed, is equipped with morals and virtues, and in no way resembles the abandoned, malignant half that abides upon the throne. We conceive that the earthly half is just, merciful, charitable, benevolent, forgiving, and full of sympathy for the sufferings of mankind and anxious to remove them.

    Apparently we deduce this character not by examining facts, but by diligently declining to search them, measure them, and weigh them. The earthly half requires us to be merciful, and sets us an example by inventing a lake of fire and brimstone in which all of us who fail to recognize and worship Him as God are to be burned through all eternity. And not only we, who are offered these terms, are to be thus burned if we neglect them, but also the earlier billions of human beings are to suffer this awful fate, although they all lived and died without ever having heard of Him or the terms at all. This exhibition of mercifulness may be called gorgeous. We have nothing approaching it among human savages, nor among the wild beasts of the jungle.”

  7. On Sunday night, U.S. Sen. Tom Coburn will be discussing one of his favorite subjects, Social Security disability fraud, on the CBS program “60 Minutes.” The findings of a two-year Senate investigation into disability fraud that Coburn requested are being released the next day.

    You see them if you watch much TV. Ads from law firms offering to represent individuals denied Social Security Disability when they appeal. I noticed some interesting things during the 60 Minutes segment tonight.

    How many times have you heard of someone getting their disability approved on the first try?
    I never have. Not once. The way I hear it, you apply, and get turned down routinely, and only get approved if you fight for it.

    Quotes from the show:

    “It doesn’t cost you anything unless you win the appeal, and the lawyers collect from the federal government.” So apparently it doesn’t cost you when you win either.

    “Last year the Social Security Administration paid a billion dollars to claimants’ lawyers out of it’s cash-strapped disability trust fund.” So a lot of cases are being won on appeal.

    “In 1971 fewer than 20 percent of claimants were represented. Now, over 80 percent of claimants are represented by attorneys or representatives.” This was a judge in the system, during an interview. They were criticizing the lawyers making money off these cases. Since the baby boomers are aging it makes sense there are many more older workers with health issues that have made them unemployable in the tight job market of the last five years. More are probably really eligible for benefits than in 1971.

    I only recently learned, if I have this right, that once you are on SSD, you qualify for early Medicare. Plus, instead of starting Social Security at your reduced 62 year old rate, you get to draw your full age 65 benefit from the beginning.

    Do I have this right? If so, it would appear that keeping the ACA intact would help some older people who sought disability for the early Medicare as much as the money.

    • Also, the report makes it sound like this investigation is Tom Coburn’s personal quest, just because he wanted it done. 60 Minutes had no one to present the opposing viewpoint on the issue. It was all one sided.

      • 60 Minutes used to be very investigative and balanced – not so much these days.

        ••••• Have a great first day on the job, House! ••••••

        • Thanks Ebb! I woke up in plenty of time. Today I go in at 8am for orientation. Tomorrow I expect I’ll start at 6.

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