Hump Day 3/8/17

Wow. Hooda thunk… all those folks who came here in the bottom of slave ships were nothing but illegal immigrants looking for a better life for themselves and their children, grandchildren, great grandchildren or God knows who of their prodigy that would finally be free of their illegal immigrant status.

Even now Bannon Trump is working on an executive order that declares all offspring of illegal immigrants to be illegal immigrants themselves. Preliminary drafts suggest Trump plans to get around the XIV Amendment by simply refusing to enforce any laws that grant such people citizenship status.

It is rumored that the executive order won’t be signed until after Trump hires 10,000 more ICE officers, as massive deportations will be pre-planned to coincide with the signing. Once the targeted individuals are out of the country, Trump plans on denying them reentry.

Unexpected opposition is expected to come from mob bosses, whose Mafioso roots trace back to Italians who immigrated “Without Papers“.

OPEN THREAD

Sunday tRump Roast – 02/26/2017

Here’s a nice tidbit the mainstream media isn’t broadcasting, as yet: Marla Maples’ divorce from Donald Trump was never finalized. That’s right. Marla and The Donald are still legally married. It appears that after all the papers were signed, new squabbles developed over Trump’s reluctance to pay alimony and divisions of property, so Marla never filed for a final decree.

What’s this mean? It means Trump’s marriage to Melania is not legally valid. This, in turn, means that she cannot be granted citizenship based on her marriage to The Donald. If so, she returns to green-card status, and, under Trump’s new immigration rules, subject to deportation.

Is Trump looking for wife #4?

 

Open Thread

The Watering Hole, 02/04/2017: Sunday tRump Roast

IN MEMORIUM

THE BOWLING GREEN MASSACRE

QUOD HIC VERUM MORITUR

This week will go down in history. Literally. The nation mourned as news of the Bowling Green Massacre spread. But it, like 9/11, provided the impetus for banning Muslims from entering the United States. Even those who had already been given permission to land here were turned away at freedom’s door.

And so a new phrase was born. Just as Remember the Alamo became a rallying cry to drive Mexicans out of Texas, Remember Bowling Green is all ready a rallying cry to drive Immigration policy. Tens of thousands of student visas are now invalid. That means those college kids are here illegally. But think about it. If “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing” a lot of knowledge is even more threatening.

Next thing you know, anyone with a college degree will be on the terrorist watch lists.

OPEN THREAD

The Watering Hole, Sunday tRump Roast 1/29/17

trump-roast-1

Consistent with his theme of putting America First, pResident tRump signed an executive order earlier this morning renaming some popular, and not so popular food items.

Brussel Sprouts will now be called American Sprouts.

French Fries have been renamed American Fries.

Italian Dressing is now American Dressing.

And Beef Wellington shall henceforeward be called Beef Trump, aka tRump Roast.

Meanwhile, staff is busy drawing new maps of Washington D.C. renaming all streets after tRump and his family.

OPEN THREAD

The Watering Hole, 1/11/17: Making America Great Again, Part 1

In reviewing the latest draft bill to repeal Obamacare, defund Planned Parenthood, cut taxes for the top 1%, shift Medicaid expenses to the States and privatize Medicare, this author came across a provision that has, as yet, to receive any attention from the mainstream media.

The bill calls for mandatory sterilization of all children born in the United States. However, parents can avoid having their children sterilized by paying a fee that reflects the costs to society for raising that child. The fee is based on the parents’ socio-economic status, and ranges from $0.00 to over $400,000.

Low income and minority parents pay the fees at the upper end, because research conclusively establishes it costs society more to raise their children. They tend to rely on Medicaid for medical expenses; food stamps to feed their children; their children attend public schools and more frequently are incarcerated. On the other hand, affluent parents’ children attend private schools, have health insurance, and have lower incarceration rates.

Since this is pushed through in a budget reconciliation bill, it cannot be filibustered. Sources close to Trump indicate he will sign the bill the minute it hits his desk.

OPEN THREAD

Breaking Gnus: Asstroid Headed for Earth

Amateur Astrologist Hugo DeGasse is credited with discovering a new asstroid earlier this month using a crude radio-telescope made from parts he bought at a Radio Shack going-out-of-business sale.

NASA confirmed the sighting and explained the reason why it escaped their detection. This asstroid is unusual, a NASA spokesperson explained, in that it is made up entirely of frozen methane. While NASA’s equipment was geared for picking up the spectral signature of water-based comets and mineral-based asstroids, Hugo’s crude telescope was fortunately capable of detecting only methane-based objects in the night sky, which made locating this asstroid quite easy for him.

The asstroid is on course to arrive in the Earth’s atmosphere in early November. Current computer-based trajectories indicate it will be a near-miss as it penetrates the atmosphere somewhere over the western Atlantic Ocean in the northern hemisphere. From there it will pass over the eastern seaboard of the United States, cross the Appalachians and burn up in the atmosphere in a bright blue explosion somewhere over the Midwest. Although the asstroid is not expected to cause injuries, NASA scientists warn that people with breathing problems should remain indoors as the object passes overhead, as unburnt methane would likely leave a stench that will last for at least a day.

The asstroid has already been named Hugo DeGasse, after the man who first spotted the now-identified flying object.