Hump Day, 4/24/2019 edition

Breaking Gnus:

Mexico detains Americans at border crossings and other points of entry – separates children from parents.

Citing a massive influx Americans fleeing the U.S. the Mexican government instituted a policy similar to that of the United States. American citizens, claiming they are “tourists” are being detained at the border and housed in tent cities. Their children are separated from their parents and kept in “tender care” campos. Thus far there are no plans to keep track of which children are taken from which parents.

The Mexican government has issued assurances that they will give the same standard of care to these border crossers that the United States has given to individuals and families crossing from Mexico into the United States.

Young adults flying into ports of entry claiming they are on “Spring Break” are housed in youth lock-down facilities until their status can be ascertained, which could, according to government officials, take several months. “These young Americans bring in a tremendous amount of lawlessness, ranging from public drunkenness to debauchery. This must be stopped before they corrupt the youth of Mexico.” an unnamed public official said, off the record.

Trump responded in a late night tweet, threatening to increase tariffs on tourism to Mexico and institute a special duty on imports of Mexican covfefe.

Wednesday, March 13, 2019: HUMP DAY

BREAKING GNUS: TRUMP TO DECLARE NATIONAL EMERGENCY TO RESTRICT FLOW OF MELANIN TO THE UNITED STATES.

Unnamed sources within the Deep State released a bombshell that has thus far gone unnoticed by the mainstream media. Trump intends to declare a national emergency and impose severe restrictions on the flow of melanin into the United States.

“The United States is being overrun by melanin.” Trump is supposed to have declared behind closed doors. “Our current laws are inadequate to keep melanin from crossing our borders. People who bring in melanin also bring in violence, disease, and disorder. They are trying to destroy the very fabric of the American People.” Trump posted, in a now-deleted tweet.

Orders under Trump’s Melanin Emergency include barring entry at the border to individuals with excess melanin. However, this won’t apply to people with commercially enhanced melanin. Trump’s executive order will, however, impose a tax on tanning salons, lotions & creams. “The only way to regulate melanin is to tax it.” Trump is reportedly have to had said. “By taxing melanin, we can make sure only the right people have access to it.”

Trump’s emergency declaration and executive orders are planned to be the springboard for his re-election bid to “Make America White Again.”

Battle Report: The Second Battle of Bowling Green

[Note: Alex Jones predicted the Second Civil War would start on 7/4/2018. Perhaps he was right. Twitter went crazy with the news. This Battle Report was circulating on the internet.]

The enemy positioned itself for a full frontal assault. Dawn’s early light revealed the red caps of the MAGA Division in the center of their lines. Behind them the dreaded White Nationalist Phalanx, spear-tipped flagpoles raised high. They had little concern for their right flank (our left flank), covered as it were with but a battalion of talking heads from Fox News. Their left flank appeared unprotected, but I noticed the pointed white hoods of the KKK brigade hiding in the bushes to their rear. An obvious trap, I thought.

I quickly dispatched orders. To our left, opposite the talking heads, a skirmish line of liberal news media. Behind them and out of sight, a full regiment of ACLU lawyers armed to the teeth with writs and restraining orders. I placed our entire Antifa Division in the center to meet their assault head on. To our right, a diversion. A thin skirmish line of unarmed BLM African American teenagers. Behind them, the Beaner Brigade formed an impenetrable wall.

The BLM teens initiated confrontation, hurling a relentless series of “yo mama” jokes at the MAGA Division. They took the bait and the entire Division pivoted to their left and charged the thin black line. The athletic teens easily evaded the charging Sunday Morning Armchair Quarterbacks and disappeared behind the Beaner Brigade.

The MAGA Division, in hot pursuit of the BLM skirmishers, ran headlong into the wall of migrant farmworkers and a massive melee ensued.

Meanwhile, in the center, things looked grim. The White Nationalist Phalanx lowered their flagpoles and advanced upon the waiting Antifa Division. Out numbered and out armed, the Antifa Division stood resolute. Then, call it fate, call it Providence, call it the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or call it just dumb luck and randomness, one of the flags in the center of the front line of the Phalanx touched the ground.

The Phalanx came to an immediate halt, and there, in the middle of the Green, held a ceremony to respectfully burn the desecrated cloth.

This gave us the break we needed. The Fox Talking Heads abandoned their posts to cover the flag-burning ceremony. Our liberal media followed hot on their heels. At that pivotal moment, I ordered the attack by the ACLU. Writs in hand, the lawyers marched forward. They easily drove off the talking heads and hit the White Nationalists in the flank. Out maneuvered by the rule of law, the morale of the Phalanx broke. The White Nationalists broke and ran for the rear.

Meanwhile the melee on our right between the Beaner Brigade and the MAGA Division raged on. The Beaner Brigade refused to give an inch and the MAGA Division couldn’t breach their wall. Thanks to an intercepted communique on Instagram, I learned that the MAGA Division had called for reinforcements: the Guard Batallion of the ICE Regiment, to deport the Beaner Brigade. I quickly dispatched the NoDAPL Cavalry to intercept ICE. The Native Americans charged off in their Mustangs to meet ICE head on.

The ACLU regiment, having cleared the center of White Nationalists, fell onto the rear of the MAGA Division. Still engaged in close-quarter combat, the MAGA troops never saw the lawyers coming. Before anyone realized what was going on, they were being served with restraining orders which put a quick end to the melee.

The battlefield secured, I rode ahead on my American-made Harley to reconnoiter the situation between NoDAPL and ICE. ICE wanted to deport the NoDAPL Natives, but couldn’t figure out where to send them. Then, in a brilliant maneuver, NoDAPL announced it would no longer abide by treaties with the United States of America – casinos were nice, but it wanted to renegotiation with Emperor Trump for a better deal. With the treaties abrogated, ICE became the foreigners on NoDAPL lands.

With both sides seeking to deport each other, I called for the ACLU Regiment to reinforce NoDAPL. But in the heat of battle, I used Craigslist instead of Facebook Messenger. My call for help had been broadcast to the world. And, to some extent, the world answered. Locals, community organizers, began to show up from all quarters in support of NoDAPL. That was too much for ICE and they departed in an organized withdrawal.

I returned to the main battlefield where mop up efforts were already underway. The center was strewn with the discarded flags of the White Nationalist Phalanx. But the worse carnage was on our right. The red of discarded MAGA hats and multi-colored protest signs of the Beaner Brigade lay together on the battlefield; casualties of combat.

The Antifa Division, frustrated over not being engaged in actual combat, took their anger out by stomping on fallen “Don’t Tread on Me” flags. The Liberal Left Wing Media and Fox News Talking Heads had retired into their respective camps, each declaring today’s confrontation a victory.

As the sun set on the Bowling Green battlefield I breathed a sigh of relief. We had won the day, but this uncivil Civil War would rage on.

Commendations to the BLM teenagers, the Beaner Brigade, and the entire ACLU Regiment. Highest commendations to NoDAPL for their bravery in confronting ICE. But I fear their tactic of abrogating treaties will take this war to a whole new level.

Hump Day 3/8/17

Wow. Hooda thunk… all those folks who came here in the bottom of slave ships were nothing but illegal immigrants looking for a better life for themselves and their children, grandchildren, great grandchildren or God knows who of their prodigy that would finally be free of their illegal immigrant status.

Even now Bannon Trump is working on an executive order that declares all offspring of illegal immigrants to be illegal immigrants themselves. Preliminary drafts suggest Trump plans to get around the XIV Amendment by simply refusing to enforce any laws that grant such people citizenship status.

It is rumored that the executive order won’t be signed until after Trump hires 10,000 more ICE officers, as massive deportations will be pre-planned to coincide with the signing. Once the targeted individuals are out of the country, Trump plans on denying them reentry.

Unexpected opposition is expected to come from mob bosses, whose Mafioso roots trace back to Italians who immigrated “Without Papers“.

OPEN THREAD

Sunday tRump Roast – 02/26/2017

Here’s a nice tidbit the mainstream media isn’t broadcasting, as yet: Marla Maples’ divorce from Donald Trump was never finalized. That’s right. Marla and The Donald are still legally married. It appears that after all the papers were signed, new squabbles developed over Trump’s reluctance to pay alimony and divisions of property, so Marla never filed for a final decree.

What’s this mean? It means Trump’s marriage to Melania is not legally valid. This, in turn, means that she cannot be granted citizenship based on her marriage to The Donald. If so, she returns to green-card status, and, under Trump’s new immigration rules, subject to deportation.

Is Trump looking for wife #4?

 

Open Thread

The Watering Hole, 02/04/2017: Sunday tRump Roast

IN MEMORIUM

THE BOWLING GREEN MASSACRE

QUOD HIC VERUM MORITUR

This week will go down in history. Literally. The nation mourned as news of the Bowling Green Massacre spread. But it, like 9/11, provided the impetus for banning Muslims from entering the United States. Even those who had already been given permission to land here were turned away at freedom’s door.

And so a new phrase was born. Just as Remember the Alamo became a rallying cry to drive Mexicans out of Texas, Remember Bowling Green is all ready a rallying cry to drive Immigration policy. Tens of thousands of student visas are now invalid. That means those college kids are here illegally. But think about it. If “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing” a lot of knowledge is even more threatening.

Next thing you know, anyone with a college degree will be on the terrorist watch lists.

OPEN THREAD