I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I’m running for President. Here are a few of my positions on issues important to the American People today. Between now and November 2016, I will post additional policy and platform statements.
Today’s topic du jour: forgiveness.
There’s been a lot in the news lately about a guy who admitted to molesting his sisters years ago. And folks that call themselves True Christians, or part of God’s Chosen, if you will, are falling all over themselves to downplay what he did and to forgive him. Because, you see, he is one of their own, and that’s what they do. They forgive their own. No matter how horrible the act, if one of their own admits to what he has done, and asks their forgiveness, they forgive.
Of course, a lot of people are upset over the fact that they helped this guy out for years by not doing anything to protect their little girls, but that’s a topic for another day.
One of the most powerful powers a president has is the power to pardon. To forgive. And that’s just what I intend to do. In fact, I fully intend to forgive just as True Christians forgive, only more so.
For you see, True Christians are also hard on crime – when the crime is committed by the unchurched. But Constitutional Law scholar that I am, I know a president cannot base pardons on the criminal’s religion, or lack thereof. So, when I am President, I intend to pardon everyone, regardless of crime, and regardless of their religion, or lack of religion.
This is also fiscally responsible, as we will save BILLIONS in prison costs. And I intend to use this savings to broaden our horizons. To reach out to that final frontier – Space.
You see, I know there will be a huge outcry if we release thousands upon thousands of hardened criminals on our streets. I know that just because I forgive someone, others, especially their victims, might not be so magnanimous. And I know I just can’t ship them off to Australia. But we’ve been talking about manned missions to Mars for a long time now. So, why not?
It’s a win-win scenario. We solve our crime problem. We get to claim the only other inhabitable planet in the solar system for America. And we will demonstrate to the world that we are a Christian Nation, once and for all.
So, come 2016, vote Briseadh na Faire for President. I’m the only candidate for President who knows what’s best for America; the only candidate who acknowledges up front that I will break each and every one of my campaign promises, and, when I do, you won’t be disappointed!
[Briseadh na Faire – it’s hard to pronounce.]
I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I approve this message.