The Watering Hole, Wednesday, June 10, 2015, I’m Running For President, part 2.

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I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I’m running for President. Here are a few of my positions on issues important to the American People today. Between now and November 2016, I will post additional policy and platform statements.

Today’s topic du jour: forgiveness.

There’s been a lot in the news lately about a guy who admitted to molesting his sisters years ago. And folks that call themselves True Christians, or part of God’s Chosen, if you will, are falling all over themselves to downplay what he did and to forgive him. Because, you see, he is one of their own, and that’s what they do. They forgive their own. No matter how horrible the act, if one of their own admits to what he has done, and asks their forgiveness, they forgive.

Of course, a lot of people are upset over the fact that they helped this guy out for years by not doing anything to protect their little girls, but that’s a topic for another day.

One of the most powerful powers a president has is the power to pardon. To forgive. And that’s just what I intend to do. In fact, I fully intend to forgive just as True Christians forgive, only more so.

For you see, True Christians are also hard on crime – when the crime is committed by the unchurched. But Constitutional Law scholar that I am, I know a president cannot base pardons on the criminal’s religion, or lack thereof. So, when I am President, I intend to pardon everyone, regardless of crime, and regardless of their religion, or lack of religion.

This is also fiscally responsible, as we will save BILLIONS in prison costs. And I intend to use this savings to broaden our horizons. To reach out to that final frontier – Space.

You see, I know there will be a huge outcry if we release thousands upon thousands of hardened criminals on our streets. I know that just because I forgive someone, others, especially their victims, might not be so magnanimous. And I know I just can’t ship them off to Australia. But we’ve been talking about manned missions to Mars for a long time now. So, why not?

It’s a win-win scenario. We solve our crime problem. We get to claim the only other inhabitable planet in the solar system for America. And we will demonstrate to the world that we are a Christian Nation, once and for all.

So, come 2016, vote Briseadh na Faire for President. I’m the only candidate for President who knows what’s best for America; the only candidate who acknowledges up front that I will break each and every one of my campaign promises, and, when I do, you won’t be disappointed!

[Briseadh na Faire – it’s hard to pronounce.]

I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I approve this message.

[BriseadhNaFaireforPresidentisnotaffiliatedwithanyPolitcalActionCommitteenorhas receivedtheendorcementofTPZoonoranyotherindividualbusinessnonprofitorganizationorgod.]

OPEN THREAD

45 thoughts on “The Watering Hole, Wednesday, June 10, 2015, I’m Running For President, part 2.”

  1. I had to slow this part down:
    [Briseadh Na Faire for President is not affiliated with any Politcal Action Committee nor has received the endorcement of TPZoo nor any other individual business non profit organization or god.] 😉

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    • That needs to be the first line, of every speech, of every Democratic candidate, for every office, from now on, until rational people figure out who should be leading the country, and vote that way.

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  4. From Frothy’s campaign stop article from yesterday: “That’s maybe eight votes that you wouldn’t otherwise get. Eight votes can make a big difference, as I know.”

    How the hell would he know, said the guy who lost his Pennsylvania Senate seat by a whopping 18 PERCENTAGE points.

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    • Only on the poor. How about an apartment rental tax? Or increasing mass transit fares by 250%… Look for those kinds of ‘taxes’ from Jayhawk lugiehockers.

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  7. Montana Republican: Why Should Americans Retire? Noah Never Did And He Was 600 Years Old

    In today’s experiment in the depths of idiocy we get to see what happens when Republican free market capitalism runs head first into Biblical literalism.

    A Montana multi-millionaire who is planning a gubernatorial run against Democratic incumbent Steve Bullock in 2016 is looking to the Bible to shape his political policies in ways that would make Rick Santorum say “take it down a notch.” For example, did you know that Noah built his ark when he was a spry 600 years old? So why are you complaining about not being able to retire until you’re 70? Greg Gianforte isn’t the first Republican to suggest people stop hoping to retire, but he certainly is the only one basing it on the story of Noah’s Ark.

    Greg Gianforte made his fortune as a tech entrepreneur (read: he made a company that he later sold to another company for $1.5 billion), but now thinks he would like to take a stab at being governor. His expertise is technology and the Bible. Notice only one of those things can help you get a job in an emerging field with a high salary. The other is a religious text written thousands of years ago whose major technological concern was which kinds of fibers you can and can’t mix in your clothing.

    The new American Dream: work until you drop…dead.

    Why do these people who think we can raise the retirement age always do their job behind a desk, and set their own hours?

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    • Noah was a fictional character in “an Antique Volume written by faded men.” There was no need for him to retire, no way for him to retire.

      I, along with tens of millions of others, am NOT fictional. Also retired. Unfortunately, not all Republicans from Montana can yet say the same, although I’m sure many folks with functioning brains are looking forward to that event.

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      • Had a ‘discussion’ with a neighbor about same sex marriage (she’s agin’ it cuz the Bible and it is ‘immoral’.)
        Neighbor said Jesus was sent here to bring new and moral laws.
        I relayed he didn’t do a very good job. And that being gay has absolutely nothing to do with being immoral or amoral
        I steered the conversation to the true immorality of the Christians who hold themselves out as upright citizens and keep getting caught molesting children.

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        • The Bible doesn’t say gay marriage “immoral” it says it says male gay sex is an “abomination.” (I may have missed it, but I didn’t notice any law against a woman lying down with another woman as if a man.) I read an interesting story about Queen Victoria, and it has a possible explanation for why female homosexuality isn’t as harshly viewed as male homosexuality. The story goes that when the Queen was presented with a law outlawing homosexuality, she refused to believe that women were capable of it, so she ordered all references to it stricken from the record. Since then, male homosexuality has been looked upon as a crime while female homosexuality not so much. Maybe it’s true, maybe it isn’t. But it would explain a lot.

          But if you want to find something really interesting (and loony at the same time), go to BibleGateway.com and compare Leviticus 18 and Leviticus 20. (Once you have the page up, there are arrows on the sides of the page to scroll to the chapters before and after. It’s easier than re-entering each chapter separately. Or open them both in two separate browser windows.)

          You will find both of them list many of the same abominations, but in Chap 18 the penalty is to be cast out, while in Chap 20 the penalty is death. Chapter 19 in between has a long list of laws Christians break all the time, yet no one is seriously calling for them to be “cast out.”

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          • I did mention the punishments meted out in the old testament.
            Neighbor said there were too many laws and that’s why Jesus had to come down and give the world the New Testament.
            (I’d not heard that before. My thought is the xtians are tired people bringing up all the inconsistencies in the old book of fiction, so they now stick with the new testament.

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    • Wasn’t Noah a carpenter? Or boat builder? Marine Engineer? Livestock Collector? What the hell profession would he have retired from, Poop Scooper?

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    • Yes, Billy, they spent time in jail because your right wing “Broken Windows” theory (I believe Charles Murray came up with it) led to “Stop, Question & Frisk” in which young black men were ordered to empty their pockets, then arrested for possessing weed “in plain sight” when it wasn’t in plain sight until the cop made them take it out of their pockets. The end result, an unnecessary arrest that ends up disqualifying the young black man not only for a job in the NYPD (as if), but also any federal benefits.

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  11. Marcus Bachmann Endorses Lindsey Graham For 2016

    Marcus Bachmann, the husband of former Congresswoman and 2012 GOP presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann, came out on Tuesday to offer a full endorsement to Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), who announced his 2016 presidential bid earlier this week.

    Bachmann, during a radio interview Tuesday morning in Minneapolis, Minnesota, was asked if he had a pick for the 2016 GOP primary, to which Bachmann very quickly answered “Lindsey Graham. There is no doubt in my mind that he’s the best man for the job.”

    “Lindsey isn’t just a candidate to me. He’s a vision, a vision for our future,” Bachmann explained. “I think Lindsey is the full package, a package I want to see opened. You know, for America I mean. He has incredible blue eyes, with which he can scour through budgets and eliminate wasteful spending. He’ll put his big, strong, masculine hands deep inside the Federal government and make it shake and quiver until it’s ten times smaller than it is today.

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    • The (further) dumbing down of the U.S.
      To think people are wondering why we fall way down the list for science and math.
      (Cubits are no longer used as a measuring unit)

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    • If you want to poison your kids’ brains with religious twaddle and impair their ability to reason by telling them fairy tales are true? We can’t stop you but, just like secession, you can’t force your neighbors to go along with it.

      Waaaaay back when I was in high school we had an elective course available called “Myths Throughout the Ages”. That was the only class where any teacher ever even mentioned the Buybull. Specifically; we compared the creation myths of said Buybull with other mythologies. The general concensus was that the Buybull myth was no more or less valid than any other and had fuck all to do with reality. I would bet dollars to stale doughnuts that it would now be impossible to offer such a course without a gang of fundies, with torches and pitchforks, marching on the school.

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      • 1 statute mile = 5,280 feet
        1 nautical mile = 6,076 feet or one degree of arc at the great circle.
        1 league is generally accepted as 3 statute miles.
        1 light year = The distance in statute miles light travels in one earth year or,
        5,880,000,000,000 miles.
        1 Parsec = 3.26 light years according to Wookipedia.
        What’s a cubit? It extends from the tip of the middle finger to the elbow in a gesture that looks a lot like you’re flipping someone off.

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